(Warrior Cats)SmokeTrail's fire

Chapter 21- He Wanted To Dissapear

I was both depressed and happy to be carrying the deceased leader's kits. Especially knowing that it was the last thing he said to me that mattered.
"Whatever happens to me, the kits are yours. I don't need the pride or the credit. Being your mate, if only for a little while is enough."

It's scary to know that what I did just to get him to stop terrorizing the forest lead him to do this. I don't think I'll ever be able to figure out what made him want to love me again.

With his death and our kits, I wasn't sure what to think anymore. Goldeneyes wasn't very pleased with what I'm in, but he has Just accepted it now. Waterpaw wasn't thrilled either, but was still happy to have little siblings.

I wasn't really sure what to really do with him. He had lost every thing he had now. To me. I could have told the little gray cat what his father had done in the past, but I spared him the knowledge.

It was hard to dodge and evade the questions of the windclan she-cats. They asked them out of only curiosity but it made me extremely uncomfortable. There was one that I loved and appreciated her company.

Juniperleaf.

Softstar's mate. She had blue-gray fur and slightly folded ears. She didn't seem to mind my quiet demeanor at all. All she really seemed to want to do was help me. She invested in keeping most cats away from me in order to help me back on my paws.

It was nice.

Windclan wasn't in disarray anymore, unlike the chaos when I left it. "So..." the little queen started. Her short fur ruffled slightly in the gentle breeze. I lifted my gaze to meet her amber eyes.

"I don't remember you well...You must have been separated from everyone sooner than I thought. I really believed I would remember a cat like you." Juniperleaf meowed. I sighed nervously, entirely aware of what she meant.

"I get it. I don't know how I never realized the difference between the cat who had me and the one who raised me. I guess I never thought about...."

That sweet milky scent I caught whenever my mother was close. I only noticed it once, ever and it was when I was really young. I overlooked it as a minor, unimportant detail. What would have happened if it had noticed it before? Then again, my entire life before exactly 12 moons old was spent and darkness, then captivity. I was given the bare minimum of this to make sure my heart kept working.

"Smoketrail, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to..." it took the gentle queens words for me to notice the tears streaming down my face. "It's okay....would you mind...telling me more about you...?"

"Huh...? Uhm...okay..well you already know my living family...but my mom and dad were Dawntail's real kits. I really wish we were truly related. It would be cool to have a half-sister." Juniperleaf meowed happily, eyes gleaming.

"My memories of my kithood are beginning to fade away....I don't remember much from before 11 moons old...there's Just a reacurring memory of starving in that dark den every night..." I murmured.

"You were trapped. Sort of. You were kept in the den all day, and only at night were you free to roam. I had always thought it was funny the way you wandered, looking so confused. Most cats ignored or beat you, but those who were nice to you became your friends. " juniperleaf replied. "Think about it. Try your hardest to remember those few hours you got to spend outside each night. You opened your eyes very late, I was told. Maybe your memory is affected?"

I nodded and shrugged. I closed my eyes, thinking hard, trying to dig deep into my own memory.

I remember one night, wandering into the extra den that had become the nursery after my entrapment. I can easily remember Freckleface's parents easily now. They were only older apprentices when I was a little kit, but they loved each other deeply already.