Fighting with Bipolar and winning!!

That comforting light

Kaelyn Marie McGovern was the easiest delivery. My easiest by far. Three simple pushes and she was out. After she came out, the doctor and the nurse tried for close to an hour to deliver my placenta. My blood pressure kept dropping. I remember looking at the machine and my blood pressure was 73/37. I was not able to get that mother daughter bond with her. They do that now when you have a new baby. After delivering your baby !they have you bond for one full hour! I really wanted to enjoy that time and I could not. They rushed me into an emergency D&C and they gave me a couple of positive a blood transfusions. It was Christmas Eve morning the next day and I shouldn't have, but I asked the doctor to let me go home so that we could enjoy the holidays. They did not ask me if I had a bowel movement yet. I went home and on Christmas morning, I called my father complaining about having a lot of blood clots and cramping. My dad is always there for me. Always has been. I don't even need to get remarried because I have my daddy bear. Christmas morning we went into Hackley emergency room and I had told them that I had the blood clot's in the cramping, they knew about my D&C surgery and they said this was very normal and sent me home. I'm December 27, my daughter Brianna was going to go to church but she decided to stay home with me. I felt something dripping down my leg and I thought it was very weird, I thought I was just pissing my pants. I went into the bathroom and I continued to pour out a lot of blood, including large parts of my placenta that they thought they had gotten all out! I am thankful that Brianna stayed home because my phone was in the living room and I could have never gotten to it in time. So, my precious 14-year-old called 911. She also called my boyfriend at the time and he was on FaceTime. He just kept asking her to talk to me. She would come into the bathroom and she would be asking me if I was OK. In my mind, I wasn't sure if I was OK. I just continued to pass a lot of clots. It happened to be the snowiest, iciest snowstorm throughout the whole winter and it took the ambulance 28 minutes to arrive. My pulse was 62 and dropping. The ambulance driver asked me if I could get on the cart without any complications, because it could not to go into the bathroom. I stood up and I dropped several more clots and then I passed out. At that moment, I felt warm. I felt comfortable. There was light. I woke up! He was not finished with me yet. (He, as in God). I remember asking the ambulance driver if there was positive a blood in the ambulance. He told me that it was at the hospital. (28 more minutes) I didn't want the driver to go to fast because we could be in a ditch like every other car, but watching my pulse and blood pressure made me feel like he should drive even faster. When I arrived at the hospital, my temperature was 102. They could not rush me into an emergency surgery until the fever would drop. They started doing STAT blood transfusions. 60 seconds, one full unit into the vein. ( I had  two transfusions that way) The most painful part was them trying to remove what they could get out (remaining  placenta) with their hands, before surgery. That was by far, the most painful thing that my body has ever had to go through. Worse than any kind of delivery. They told my me and my father that the D&C surgery on 12/23 didn't get all of the placenta out. They would have to do another D&C and told us it would just be a little over an hour. James (baby daddy) had the nerve to ask my father, "I don't know, should I come up to the hospital"? Ouch! Now it's not just physically and mentally a hot mess, but now emotionally I was a mess too. The surgery (which they all ended up being) took longer than they had estimated. My dad waited and waited. I came out of surgery and had my blood transfusions going one after another. I made a fool of myself on Facebook again. Social media should not be something for someone struggling with a mental illness. I guess all in all, it ended up being a good thing because all of my friends were praying for me. I thought the power of the prayers. I was then sent home the following day. I had a follow-up with my doctor the following Wednesday. So, I went home and I dropped a huge glob of a placenta down my leg. I can't send pictures, although I have them on my iPhone. They're very disturbing. My daughter called 911 and when the ambulance arrived, they said that it was a placenta. I was not actively bleeding so I signed off on taking an ambulance ride. I followed the ambulance to the emergency room. This time I went to Mercy. For some reason, even though I had a placenta in a Ziploc bag, they didn't do an ultra sound or urine sample ( although it was pure blood when I tried to pee). I told them that I was not able to use maxipads and that I was bleeding through towels. They said this was completely normal. I was then sent home. Every single day I started getting a little bit more tired, a little bit colder, way less energy and then I was starting to become really pale. I was thinking to myself, this has to be normal. I am almost 40 years old and this pregnancy was just too hard on me. After four days of feeling like this, I quickly drove myself to the emergency room after I saw my sister at work. She told me that I looked really pale and that I should go in. By the time I got to the hospital, my hemoglobin was only at five. It should have been at a 12. I was dropping more clots in the emergency room and they finally did an alter sound. Sort of frustrating that this was the first time that an ultra sound was actually done. Urgh. The nurses and doctors were blown away at this ultra sound. They said the full placenta was still inside of me as if I had never even had a surgery. I'm a very complicated case they say! The placenta started to grow into my uterus and they rushed me into my third DNC. This time they used a camera. Again, they told my father that the surgery should take just under two hours and it took much longer than that. Several more positive a blood transfusions and sent him the following day. I felt like crap even after all of those surgeries and I thought this was normal. I was popping stool softeners like candy because I had to take so much iron. By this time my baby girl was going on five weeks old. I still have not had time to hold her. Not to mention, I had already been in the emergency room a couple of times struggling with my mental illness. Fighting for my mental and physical health was no joke. But, I felt the prayers. I really did! I was not having normal bowel movements. Even though my daughter was five weeks old, I still had not had a normal bowel movement. Part of my placenta had grown into my bowels. Two different times they had to insert a tube that went all the way down to where my bowels were so that they could release some of the stools. I was so terrified of hearing them say that I may possibly need a colostomy bag. I was rushed to the emergency room for the fifth time. This time it was going to be a six hour complicated surgery. A full-blown hysterectomy with 28 staples. My heart was so broken. I kept asking them not to tie my tubes because I really truly did want more children. Yes, I was 38 years old, but I am a very healthy and am an active mother. I thought that maybe I would actually have a playmate for my daughter. My daughters can never doubt the love that I have for them after watching the videos after my surgery. My favorite video of me was taken by my brother Jay. It was a video of me telling the girls that I would do anything for them. I told them that I hate heights and I would jump out of the highest airplane for them LOL. I also like a video of me trying to explain to my family to get my youngest daughter off of the  school bus on a Saturday and have the bus drive her to Hackley hospital room 414. My family stayed and waited throughout all of my surgeries. I had a note on the door that said no visitors, family only. Sometimes in life you only need your family. I am a people person, but that just shows how sick I really was. I was fighting a fever for nearly a week now. I was trying to fight this infection that was killing me. It was too hard for me to facetime my baby. She looked like she was growing so fast. I would just look at her pictures up on the wall and I kept thinking to myself that I would give anything just to hold her for a minute. I felt really bad for my 10-year-old daughter, Alivia. I kept telling her that mommy was getting better and I would be home soon. She was so scared that she was going to lose her mommy. My oldest daughter, Brianna Rae stayed by my side a lot during my stay because she was older. Although she was not 14 years old yet, she stayed in the hospital room with me overnight and we laid in the same bed and just cuddled. She had to call 911 repeatedly and she was not going to stop fighting to help mommy get better.
Unfortunately even after this six hour hysterectomy, the fever was not gone. I was still full of infection. I am very thankful to have my daughter in counseling because I know that what happened next had to have really scared her. When I was laying in the hospital bed, the day after my surgery, one of my 28 staples popped open. Fluids went gushing everywhere. The doctor came in and they rushed me into my fifth surgery. What the problem was, the physicians assistant did not insert drainage tubes. He should have. I was still full of infection.