[✔] DERP Meme

Bruce Heffernan (M)

warning: chap ini lumayan panjang, dan aku hanya copas. bahasa inggris, sih, karena menurutku kalau diterjemahin ada sesuatu yang hilang nanti--kurang joss. isinya agak jorok dan graphic, tapi bukan itu yang jadi fokus. tapi, karena humornya (menurutku) kocak. ini terkenal banget di daring--aku tahu dari thread di situs manga. credit to bruce heffernan, published back then in 2005. (mungkin) setelah beberapa hari, bab ini akan kuprivat.

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look, i'm not a hateful person or anything--i believe we should all live and let live. but lately, i've been having a great real problem with these homosexuals. you see, just about wherever i go these days, one of them approaches me and start sucking my cock.

take last sunday, for instance, when i casually struck up a conversation with this guy in the health-club locker room. nothing fruity, just a couple of fellas talking about their workout routines while enjoying a nice hot shower. the guy looked like a real man's man, with too big--biceps, meaty thigs, and thick neck. he didn't seem the least bit gay. at least not until he started sucking my cock, that is.

where does this queer get the nerve to suck my cock? did i look gay to him? was i wearing a pink feather boa without realizing it? i don't recall the phrase "suck my cock" entering the conversation, and i don't have a sign around my neck that reads "please, you homosexuals, suck my cock"

i've got nothing againts homosexuals. let them be free to do their gay thing in peace, i say. but when they start sucking my cock, then i've got a real problem

then there was the time i was hiking thru the woods and came across a rugged-looking, blond haired man in his early 30's. he seemed straight enough to me while we were bathing in that mountain stream, but before you know it, he's sucking my cock.

what is it with these homos? can't they control their sexual urges? aren't there enough gay cocks out there for them to suck on without them having to target normal people like me?

believe me, i have no interest in getting my cock sucked by some homos. but try telling that to the guy at the beach club. or the one at the video store. or the one whi catered my wedding. or any of the countless other homos who have come on to me recently. all of them sucked my cock, and there was nothing i could do to stop them.

i tell you, when a homosexual is sucking your cock, a lot of strange thoughts go thru your head. how the hell did this happen? where did this fairy ever get the idea that i was gay? and where did he get those fantastic booties?

it screws with you head at the other times, too. every time a man passes me on the street, i'm afraid that he's going to grab me and drag me off to some bathroom to suck my cock. i've even started to visualize these repulsive cock sucking episodes during the healthy, heterosexual marital relation i enjoy with my wife--even some that haven't actually happened, like the sweaty post-game locker room tryst with vancouver canucks forward mark messier that i can't seem to stop thinking about.

things could be worse, i suppose. it could be women trying to suck my cock, which would be adultery and would make me feel tremendously guilty. as it is, i'm just angry and sickened. but believe me, that's enough. i don't know what's makes these homosexuals mistake me for a guy who wants his cock sucked, and frankly, i don't want to know. i just wish there were some way to get them to stop.

i've tried all sorts of things to get them to stop, but it has all been to no avail. a few months back, i started wearing an intimidating-looking black leather thong with menacing mental stuff in the hopes that it would frighten those faggots off, but it didn't work. in fact, it only seems to encouraged them. then, i really started getting rough, slapping them around whenever they were sucking my cock, but that failed, too. even pulling out of their mouths just before ejaculation and shooting sperm all over their face, neck, chest and hair seemed to have no effect. what do i have to do to get the message across to these swishes?

i swear, if these homosexuals don't take a hint and quit sucking my cock all the time, i'm going to have to resort to drastic measure--like maybe pining them down to the cement floor of the loading dock with my powerful forearms and working my cock all the way up their butt so they understand loud and clear just how much i disapprove of their unwelcome advances. i mean, you can't get much more direct than that. []