Remembering

Chapter 8

"Shit." I mumbled. I had yet again completely gone off on a tangent for the journal entry, completely ignoring the prompt. I ripped the worthless page out of my journal and tossed it in the garbage along with the ten other pages I had messed up on. I got up from my uncomfortable desk chair and stretched my soar limbs. I had been sitting in my pajamas all day trying to answer the stupid prompt Mr. Smith had given us. Who cares about miracles anyways? I walk to the kitchen in hope of something or someone distracting me from my funk. Oddly enough that someone was no where to be found. Intrigued I looked for Sarah. "Sarah!" I got no answer. I look in her room where I found a perfectly made bed and not a thing out of place. I walk back to the kitchen and grab some water. Taking small sips I pondered at where Sarah might be.

Boyfriend? I thought but then soon realized she had never mentioned any special boy.

Class? I laughed. Sarah doesn't go to class. It's rare if she goes to a lecture but somehow she has amazing grades.

Party? It's three in the afternoon. Do parties start this early?

I shook my head clear of the questions. I needed to write this stupid assignment and be done so I could finally relax. I walked back to my room and sat in the uncomfortable chair.

I hate this chair. I need a new one.

"Ugh!" I screamed in frustration. I couldn't let a single thought pass through my mind without another completely throwing me off track and distracting me.

I picked up my pencil with a new found determination and look at the blank page in front of me.

I do was the only thing written on the page and it amazed me how far I could go with such a simple frase. I could talk about my belief in miracles and how some higher power steps in and takes over so we can stay on our path. Or I could talk about how I don't believe in the simple miracles some people think are miracles. I could talk about how I don't know if I believe in them and give evidence as to why this stupid prompt confuses me.

A tapping at my window breaks me out of my daze. I pull the blinds to find a pebble hit my window followed by a slightly larger rock. I open my window and something small hits me in the middle of my forehead. "Ow." I mumble and rub my forehead. I look down in the alley to see the thrower of my rock is the one and only Luke Hemmings. "Can we talk?" he asks and shoves his hands into his pockets. The late December breeze hits my face and I shiver from its chill. I slightly nod my head and close my window. I put on my vans and slowly walk to my door, down the stairs and into the small ally. I spot Luke leaning against a wall with a nervous impression on his face.

I can't decide what I want to do. Like my English prompt, I could say so many different things that will lead this conversation in so many different ways. I decide to stay quiet considering he was the one that wanted to talk. I cross my arms and try to stay warm on this unusually cold day. I look up at him and his eyes dart to different places behind me in the small ally. "Um." he starts and clears his throat. He looks down at me and smiles nervously. I look at him with a straight face. "So you're mad." he states and for some reason looks confused. I look at him. I consider my choice of words. "No shit Luke." I say rather loudly. He looks taken back for a moment but continues. "So you're mad." he says again without any confusion. "Of course I'm mad you idiot!" I scream. "You come over here and barge into my room telling me all these things that have completely contradicted your actions and then when I try to clear my head you kiss me which confuses me more and then you just run off and don't speak to me for what, three weeks? Yeah Luke, you could say I'm mad." I finish with a huff. "Well Dylan what am I supposed to do?" he raises his voice. "I don't know. There's this thing called stepping up and owning how you feel." I bite back sarcastically. "Didn't you know how I felt after I kissed you? I told you the day in the parking lot was the best thing to happen. Isn't that telling you how I feel?" he yells flailing his arms all around. "Luke it isn't direct! How am I supposed to know if the 'best thing to ever happen' means?" I yell and his eyes drop.

"Luke I'm not sure how you feel about me. I know how I feel about you and I can guarantee that it is changing every second. You say these things and come to my flat telling me these vague things about how you feel and then expect me to pinpoint your exact feelings." I yell. "I'm not inside your head and I don't wish to be but if you want me to know how you feel you have to tell me so we can move forward and not stay stuck in this place." I lower my voice. "I hate being in this place of uncertainty and I won't do it any longer." He looks up from the ground with a hint of panic in his eyes. "Luke you either tell me right now how you feel about me or you never will. I need to know because I am putting my life on hold for you to get the guts to tell me." He looks at me blankly. I wait for him to respond and the depressing silence takes over my body. I stand there looking at his eyes that are looking everywhere but me and after a few seconds I start backing away. "Goodbye Luke." my voice cracks and a traitor tear escapes. I wipe it away quickly in hopes he didn't see my weakness. He makes no move forward or away. He stays frozen in his place and I turn around reaching for the door. The door squeaks open and I turn around and watch as the door closes, seperating me and Luke. He looks away from his spot on the wall and his glossy eyes meet mine before the door closes.

I stand by the stairs completely frozen. All those uncertain thoughts and unanswered questions I had racing through my mind in the past few months have finally been answered and they were not the answer I was hoping for.