Missing You (Gawsten)

Universe

Awsten stares up at the infinite night sky. The crickets chirp softly, and the blanket around his shoulders keeps him warm.

It isn't a particularly cold night, but the comfort of the blanket is appreciated. It wraps around his small frame in a way that sort of holds him together.

He listens to the crickets while guilt weighs his tummy down. He shouldn't have snapped at Geoff like he did. He's so happy that he's home and safe, but he just can't get past all he's felt while his love was gone. He just disappeared like it was nothing. No note, no warning, nothing. It was frustrating and scary, and Awsten knows he needs time before he lets Geoff back in. He feels so stuck.

Curiosity is eating at him too. He wants to know why Geoff disappeared, and he has a right to know, but he almost doesn't want to. What if Geoff needed a break from him? What if he was going to leave again soon?

What if he was the reason Geoff disappeared?

Awsten's heavy heart will stop beating if he listens to Geoff tell him that he was tired of him. He pulls the blanket tighter around himself at the thought.

The screen door creaks open, and Awsten figures Otto has come to get him into bed. He sighs quietly and prepares to stand up, but then Otto sits down next to him.

Awsten thinks about telling him how he feels. His words will be softly soaked up by the shadowy person next to him. The purple-haired boy can't see him in his peripheral vision because of the blanketing night air, but he knows the curly-haired boy is right there with him. He always is.

"What if he left because of me?" Awsten whispers, voice unable to go any louder. A tear falls quickly from his eye, glittering for only a second in the moonlight before it hits the ground soundlessly.

It's posed as a question, but both boys know that, in Awsten's mind, it isn't a question. He believes it to be true.

And Geoff feels like shit in that moment.

"I would never do that, angel," replies the shadowy hunched over figure that Awsten had previously thought of as Otto.

Everything freezes in that moment. The crickets continue chirping, but the atmosphere is no longer soft and muted. Everything is more defined; sharper and clearer. Awsten is suddenly very aware of everything around him- especially the boy sitting next to him. He takes a breath.

"Then why?" He whispers, straining to keep his voice level, because he suddenly realizes how much he wants Geoff to just hold him.

"Sweetheart-"

"Why?" Awsten interrupts him. It isn't an angry question, but one full of despiration. He doesn't want Geoff to tip-toe around his feelings- he wants a goddamn answer.

"Was I the problem? Yes or no," Awsten asks specifically.

It dawns on Geoff that this entire time Awsten has been blaming himself, hating himself for driving him away, thinking it's something he did. He's wrong, but it's going to take a little while to get him to see that. No matter what Geoff tells him, the boy has built up months and months of hatred for himself, and that isn't going to just disappear.

Awsten turns and faces him for the first time since their argument in the living room, and Geoff looks at the harsh shadows cascading across his face. A few more tears fall quickly, glinting softly in the moonlight.

Geoff looks into his eyes and sees an entire overwhelmed universe of confusion; Stars burning out, blackholes spiralling, asteroids crashing into planets. Turmoil that's soundless and airless. Cold that could freeze anything within seconds, and heat that could burn everything all at once. Deadly quasars that could end all life within an instant, and planets with slowy forming atmospheres, soon to be home to life.