Missing You (Gawsten)

Don't Call Me That

"Sit the fuck down and listen."

Geoff stares up at Awsten. He notices the dark circles under his eyes, and the sharp, hollow contours of his face. Behind the blatant anger, his eyes hold exhaustion.

Geoff has been through hell these past few months, but maybe Awsten has too.

"We sat and we waited. For months, Geoff!" Awsten starts, his emotions flowing more freely than they ever have in the past few months, "I sat out in the driveway day after day waiting for you to come home- and you never did. I destroyed myself with worry! Otto, how many times did I complain about a headache or sore throat? How often did I scream? How many times did you worry about leaving me alone?" He asks the curly-haired boy, who is frozen on the stairs.

"A lot," he replies, not wanting to disrupt Awsten. He knows he needs to get this all out.

"I cried so much. I screamed. I broke things. And you wanna know why, Geoff? Because the police department told us that, more than likely, you ran off willingly! Can you imagine thinking someone is hurt for so long, just to find out that they probably just didn't wanna be with you anymore and ran off!" His words tumble out along with his tears, which are streaming down his face now. He's kept it all in for so long.

"Baby love, no, that's not-"

"Don't call me that!" Awsten shouts, cutting Geoff off. "You have no right! You left without saying anything! I made myself sick over this! You can't just waltz right up to this house like nothing happened!"

At this point, Awsten is red faced. Tears coat his cheeks and his voice is strained. Emotions and thoughts are wrapping around his neck like a thorn-riddled vine. Geoff moves to stand up and Awsten stumbles a couple steps back.

Geoff opens his mouth to explain, but Otto catches his eye.

'Don't, not yet,' he mouths. He understands that Awsten is entirely too overloaded to even begin to process why Geoff had to disappear. They need to wait.

Geoff nods in understanding, and Otto hurries down the last couple of steps. He takes Awsten into his arms and pulls him toward the steps. The fragile boy's body shakes violently with sobs.

Geoff watches them slowly ascend the stairs, leaving him on his own. He knew that he would probably get yelled at for disappearing like he did, but he didn't expect Awsten to be so torn up over it. He understands, though. The purple-haired boy has been on his mind constantly for the entirety of the past eight months, so he can assume it went both ways.

The only difference is that Geoff had been busy making sure he got himself home in one piece, while Awsten wasn't even sure if he was ever coming home, and had nothing to do while waiting to see if he did. It's very clear that if the roles had been reversed, it would be Geoff sobbing. He can't imagine just sitting and waiting, knowing nothing.

He can faintly hear Awsten crying, and his heart clenches. He can't do anything, though. Seeing him right now will only upset him more, and he needs to be calm in order to hear what Geoff needs to explain. It's complicated, like tree roots. Half buried, dirty, tangled tree roots.

He takes a deep breath as Awsten finally quiets down, and makes himself comfortable on the couch. He wants nothing more than to run up the stairs and tell his love that he'll never leave again. He wants to tell him how much he's missed him, and how he's thought of him every day. He wants to hold him in his arms again, and leave kisses all over his face.

He has missed Awsten so much.

***

After a few hours, Otto comes back down the stairs. He looks exhausted. Geoff realizes that his disappearance probably weighed on him just as much as it did Awsten.

He gets up quickly and pulls Otto into a hug.

"I'm sorry," he mumbles.

Otto carefully, but tightly, wraps his arms around Geoff.

"Geoff, you got an earful from Awsten, and I'm sure you're gonna hear even more from him, so I'll keep this quick; if you ever put us through this again, you won't have to worry about them finding you, your main concern, for your own well-being, will be me finding you."

Geoff nods, letting the tired boy know he understands

They hold each other for a bit longer. They've already talked, and Otto already knows everything, but they haven't really secured the fact that this is indeed real; Geoff isn't leaving again- he's here to stay.

They continue to do just that, for well longer than truly necessary, but it feels nice. Geoff is home. Everything is okay again. The three of them have survived their own separate battles within the past eight months, and now they can safely fall back together.

They pull away from each other and walk over to the couch. They sit in comfortable silence for a few moments before Geoff speaks up.

"How has he been? How have you been? Are you guys okay?"

Otto sighs. He looks at the ceiling as if he's looking for answers in the air. The different possible answers whiz past them like transparent paper airplanes, each reading a different level of honesty. There's 'we were as fine as we could be' and 'there were some days I was afraid of what I would come home to after leaving Awsten alone all day.'

Otto figures he needs to be as honest as possible. Geoff needs to understand the mindset the purple-haired boy has been forced into.

"I- well- I guess we were as fine as we could be, which is really not at all," he starts, hesitating slightly. "We were both hurt, obviously, but I kind of put my own feelings aside to take care of Awsten. He- God, Geoff- I was scared to come home some days. I was afraid that I'd find something horrible. He was so unstable. I tried to be there for him as much as I could. Some days he'd accept my comfort with open arms, and other days he wouldn't even allow me to be in the same room as him."

"Why?" Geoff asks quietly.

"I think he was scared I'd leave too. That damn police station told us you ran off willingly, and he got it in his head that he'd driven you away. He thought he was gonna drive me away too, so he pushed me away to save himself from the hurt. Some days he'd do nothing but cry and scream, other days he wouldn't make a peep. The silent days were the worst. It was as if he didn't have the energy or willpower to even form words," he says, getting quieter toward the end, "I thought I was gonna lose him for a while there."

Geoff doesn't speak. He knows he'll cry if he does. Otto looks so tired. He's pushed everything in his own head aside for Awsten. Geoff sits in silence, knowing that he'll be forever grateful that the boy beside him kept his love safe and looked after him when he himself couldn't. Otto did it so quickly, too- like he would do it again if he had to, no questions asked.

It's then that Geoff truly sees how strong Otto Wood is.

...