BAE BOY

31

Let's just go right on off the deep end, shall we? As RuPaul would tell our boy, "You bettah work!" And work it, he will. Enjoy the show both on and off stage--dangerous dealings, toward the end. And BTW, start the video at about 3:40 or so, to skip the intro and see the models start strutting that Dolce. Wattpad ignores "edit" URLs for some reason...

Oh, my God, I wish I had film for you, I really do. Not just of me and Joie battling to the death on the runway. That was dope, but the other stuff that happened? Ho-ly shit.

Just so you know, the runway "bitch battle" wasn't a real contest. It never is. Joie and her show girls design the whole show.

All the acts are planned. Choreography, costumes, props. And the other models only show off one suit each, whereas at the end of the show, Joie and I do about five or six each-that's the "battle" thing.

There's, like "Team Joie" and "Team Colt" kind of, you know? People yelling for their favorite. But they know the twink's going to win-just teasing you. I hate that word. (Google it, people.)

So it's like wrestling, where there's a kind of script that they follow but the audience boos and cheers and Joie cusses at the bidders for liking me more than her.

It's hilarious. She throws this big tantrum and the other queens come out and try to calm her down and then she "snaps out of it" and we do the final number, all of us, grinning like nothing ever happened. Ah, show biz...

BTW, they put checks in the boxes, the bidders. That's how you bid. The Pop Tarts-Joie's name for the queens that work the crowd-walk around with these big glittery gold boxes as each model struts.

And then while the audience gets a dance and drink break, they go through the checks, and the person who offered the highest amount gets the outfit and to have the model at their table for the rest of the night. But all the checks are contributions to Ginger's fund. And it's a lot, too. I'm always amazed.

In case you're wondering, the other acts are well aware that the really heavy bidding won't start 'til Joie and I go out at the end. They're there to be seen and maybe even discovered. It happens.

A few have wound up on RuPaul's show, others have gotten modeling, theater, cabaret jobs--Vegas shows, some of them landed in. Reality TV, too. And one is on Broadway, too. I almost forgot that. He's been there for three years now.

Not my thing, though, all that. You may have noticed that about me. I'm pretty content in my life. I mean, do you honestly think that there's any reality TV show that can top what I live with every day?

The people from those shows, sometimes I get to talk to them when they're in town and they make me sad. Because they have these camera crews following them everywhere, so they're always sort of acting. Always "on."

So if you really look, there's this sort of panic in their eyes all the time. They're not talking to you, they're not even really "there," they're thinking about how they look or how this "scene" is working. Even whether you're upstaging them or something, you know?

Couldn't stand that, me. I just couldn't.

But anyway, for our act, Joie had the DJ load up with all these crazy songs, everything from boy band to Beyoncé. And when we first hit the walk to "Bootylicious," I Shakira'd my ass out there to get everybody all fired up.