WATTYS LONG LIST. He's got three polyamorous, pole dancing moms and his world is the stuff of which teen boy fantasies are made. But when he falls for a feisty cancer patient who is about to die, he truly learns how to live.
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I actually felt sorry for Sheriff Hayes. I couldn't help it.
His little station was almost as sad as the Trauma Center. Okay, it was a little better, but it was still kinda tiny and dingy. Real plain. Utilitarian.
Greyish white, rectangular, like some kind of warehouse or something, except for the big black "Sheriff's Department" letters on the front. Had those same orange molded plastic chairs, too, in the lobby. A little nicer than the ones at the Center, but still not quite ready for prime time.
And man, it needed to be that day. Because though I went to sleep feeling pretty much like the last man on earth in there--Charlie was in another cell down the way so we couldn't fraternize much--I woke up feeling like the center of the goddamned universe.
Let me back up and do this in the right order, though.
First, he had to deal with my wife, who had turned into someone I didn't even recognize. I mean, she was doing her best mama lion out there, roaring like they'd killed one of her cubs.
Charlie heard it first, because he knew that if you stood on the bench and listened through the vent, you could hear what was going on in other places in the building.
Frequent flyer, Charlie. He's spent a lot of time in those cells.
Anyway, he goes, "Boy, she's givin' him holy hell out there, your woman."
And after I followed his instructions, I had myself a ball listening to her out there--the other women were there, too, but she was doing most of the cussing.
She goes, "No! That's bullshit! He would never do that, he's not that stupid!"
"Well, ma'am," the desk guy says, "that's what's written here on the--"
"Oh, like that's even real! Where's the guy--that Sheriff, where is he?"
And I hear Mike go, "Sweetie, just...let's go sit over here'n' I'll go see if I can find him, okay? Cause you're gonna--"
"Don't--I love you, but I can't right now, Mike," Kendall said. "They've got my husband in there for no reason, they know it's bullshit, and I can't let them get way with it, okay? I can't. Lookit his face! He knows! I can tell he knows."
So then it's Cat going, "Wait! Hang on--"
And I think she must've gone after Hayes maybe, because Kendall didn't say anything else after that. And a few minutes after, in she came, with some deputy behind her--a woman, who was kind of not what you'd expect a deputy to look like.
Morbidly obese, okay? Like she couldn't chase a perp without an oxygen tank on her back--I'm not fat shaming here. I'm just stating a fact. I couldn't figure out how she passed whatever physical they give you. She was sort of duck waddling like she was pregnant, behind Kendall.
