catfish. jack grazer

real life ii.

I HEAR SOMEONE RUNNING UP THE STEPS, and immediately know it's emma. she barges into my room, and i smile, getting up to hug her.
"hey, my beautiful best friend." she says.
"hello, my know-it-all best friend." i say.
"why do you call me a know it all?" she asks. i plop down on my bed.
"because you were totally right."
"about what?"
"about jack, about the catfishing. about veronica. about everything."
"spill!"
"it was going great, i was hurting him just like i wanted. but then i fell for him, and i realized how wrong i was. it isn't his fault ronnie is gone, i just needed someone to blame. he found out amber wasn't real because the girl who's face i was using told him. i then met him at warton's cafe a week ago, telling him the truth, telling him who i was, why i did it. and it broke my heart. he was crying, and i now feel like shit. you were right, these things never end well. i might've broken his heart, but i broke mine, too. and now i regret breaking his heart, i don't know why i ever thought it was okay to do it. i don't know why i thought it was a good idea. if i could go back and erase this all, i would. i wish i would've found a better way to fall in love with him, not over catfishing."
"fall IN LOVE with him?" she asks. "you have to go get him back if you're in love with him. you can't just let him go."
"i need to let him go, i don't deserve his forgiveness when i broke his heart on purpose."
"don't say that."
"it's the truth."
"you can't just give up, fall. if you love jack, you need to fight for him. it can't just end like this."
"it already ended like this. i fucked up, and he wants nothing to do with me. that's it, that's all. plus, being with him would be breaking the girl code with my own sister, who was also my best friend. i could never do that to her."
"vee would want you to be happy, fall. she would want you to be happy since she couldn't be herself."
i shrug and smash a pillow into my face, screaming in regret, frustration, confusion, and sadness.
what has my life come to?