catfish. jack grazer

real life iii.

I SAT IN MY ROOM, doing the same thing i had been doing for the past three weeks, crying. the last time my heart had felt as much pain as it had for those three weeks was when vee passed. even then, it didn't feel like it did for those three weeks. i had messed up everything, and there was nothing i could do about it. all i wanted was to be with jack, but i couldn't, he hated me.
i heard a knock from the door. i ran downstairs, knowing i looked like a complete mess, and opened the door. it wasn't who i expected.
"holy shit," i said, looking down at my outfit. it was a tank top and some pajama pants with rainbows on them. "jack." the one person i didn't want to see me as i was at that moment, a complete mess, was standing at my door. "w-what are you doing here?" i said, moving out of the way to let him in. "i-i didn't think you'd ever speak to me again. i didn't think you'd ever be sitting in my house, this is so weird, holy shit i look like a complete mess, i'm sorry you have to see this, i can't believe-" he cut me off.
"holy shit, fall, calm down." he said. "you don't look like a complete mess, you don't even look like a mess, you look like an angel, okay?" i felt my cheeks get hot. this had to be a fucking dream. jack would never go from hating me to calling me an angel. "i guess i should explain why i'm here. for these past three weeks, i've been sitting around my house doing absolutely nothing but hating myself for hating you. and i'm tired of it, i'm tired of hating you. for these past three weeks, i've been trying to let you go, you're my ex-girlfriends sister. you catfished me, you broke my heart. but i can't let you go, fall. because, fuck, as much as i hate to admit it, i love you. i hate that i love you, i hate that no matter how much i want to hate you for what you did to me, i can't. i hate that you're the first girl to ever make me feel this way, i hate that i do nothing but think about you, i hate that i've done nothing but think about you for the past three months, whether i thought of you as kyler or as yourself. i hate a lot of things, but you are not one of them. for the longest time, i wanted you to be one of them. for the longest time, i wanted to hate you more than anything. but i've given up on trying to hate you, because i can't do anything but love you. i've tried to be mad at you, but i can't be mad at you. i love you, autumn cale. nothing has changed that, nothing will. i know it's terrible to love you, because i was once with your sister. but i don't care, okay? i mean i do care, like i care about your sister and i miss her so much, but i don't care if it's wrong or right. i don't care if people will judge, because i am so in love with you, fall. nothing and no one can ever change that." he walked over to me, grabbed my face.
"i love you too, jack grazer."
he then kissed me. it felt like a dream, i wrapped my arms around him as tight as i could, and he returned the gesture.
i pinched myself to make sure it wasn't a dream, and i felt it.
it really wasn't a dream.
i then remembered what i was wearing, what i looked like.
"shit," i said. "how do you still love me after seeing me like this?"
"you look beautiful right now, as you always do. you are the most beautiful creature i've ever seen, no matter what you're wearing and no matter what you're doing. don't doubt that, okay? you look stunning." my face went red.
"and how do you forgive me after everything i did? how is it possible for you to love me after everything i did?"
"i don't know how it's possible, i don't know why i still love you. i don't know why i can't let you go, but right now, even if i could let you go, i wouldn't. even if i could stop loving you, even if i could be mad at you, i would choose not to. today, coming to see you, is the best thing i have ever done."
every single bad feeling, the sadness, the frustration, the guilt, the anger, the brokenness, it all went away. he made it go away.
he shook his head. "tsk tsk tsk, i should've known it was all fake. what kind of name is kyler?" i gasped and slapped his chest.
"kyler is a beautiful name, thank you very much." i said.
"not as beautiful as autumn." he said.
"oh shut up." i roll my eyes and laugh.
"i missed you, you know?"
"i missed you, too." i said. "now i'm never letting you out of my sight."
"good, i don't want to need to miss you ever again."
for once in my life, i didn't feel any pressure, i didn't feel any sadness, and i didn't feel any anger. for the first time in forever, i felt happy, and it was all because of him.
"you don't think i'm going to get to heaven and have vee yelling at me, do you?" i asked.
"of course not, you know vee. she's happy for you, she's happy for us. she always wanted the best for people, who said that changed?" i nodded.
"you know the answer to everything, don't you?" i asked.
"nope, i'm pretty sure that's you. just as i said earlier, you're a smartass."
"gasp! how rude!"
"you know you love me."
"xoxo, gossip girl!"
he rolled his eyes and laughed.
"you're a dork."
"you're right, i am," i said. "but i'm your dork now."
"thankfully."
he kissed me again. everything i thought would never happen, did, and i couldn't be happier.