The Clairvoyant's Date

Five

Five
Knife

My heart beat had gone out of control when my sight met the stain of blood on the messy bed. It's as if it wanted to rip my chest apart and just go out. Ramdam na ramdam ko ang pagtaas baba ng dibdib ko.

My mind went blank as my sense of hearing only recognized the deafning sound.

I felt my body slowly shutting down. My legs started shaking and my hands started trembling as well. Unti-unting nanghihina.

Anong nangyari?

Why is there a stain of blood on the bed?

Bakit magulo ang buong kwarto?

Where are my parents?

Are they safe?

Paano kung may masamang nangyari sa kanila?

Paano kung... paano kung...

My mind started to structure endless questions and what ifs that made my head hurt even more na umaabot na sa puntong napapapikit ako. These questions get more and more worse as a second goes by, and to tell you the truth, it has this great power over me. It gives me anxiety.

Paano kung... wala na sila?

The sound of my loud sobbing was all I could hear.
My tears that are as clear as a crystal streaming down my face were all I could feel.
And the image of my Mom and Dad laying on the ground, lifeless, were all I could see.

Oh god, no. Just... just don't ever think of it, Aia. Kung ano man 'yang iniisip mo, hindi 'yon mangyayari, at hinding-hindi mo 'yong papayagang mangyari.

My crying voice cracked and my shoulders moved up and down due to my intense sobbing. Halo-halong emosyon ang nararamdaman ko ngayon. Galit, kaba, takot, at lungkot. At ako mismo, hindi ko na alam kung ano ang dapat na mas manaig.

Galit para sa kung sino man ang dahilan ng gulong ito, kaba para sa kung ano pa ang mga posibleng mangyari, takot para sa kalagayan ng aking Ina at Ama, at lungkot. Lungkot para sa aking sarili. Lungkot na sanhi ng nararamdaman kong pag-iisa.

Nailagay ko ang dalawa kong kamay sa tapat ng aking bibig. Palakas naman nang palakas ang aking paghikbi.

It's just funny how my situation drastically changed in just a span of hours. Parang kaninang umaga lang ay masaya kaming kumakain sa hapag nila Mama at Papa. Tignan mo naman ang sitwasyon ko ngayon... ibang-iba sa aakalain mong posibleng mangyari.

Bago pa man tuluyang bumagsak sa sahig dala ng kahinaan ng aking binti, ibinigay ko ang lahat ng lakas ko para ayusin ang sarili. I wiped my tears, tinanggal ang ilang hibla ng buhok na dumikit sanhi ng aking luha, at huminga ng napakalalim.

"Don't let yourself be drowned with your negative thoughts, anak. Dapat, laban lang nang laban."

My Mom's voice suddenly echoed inside my head. I never thought I could still smile considering the fact that I am currently in this complicated situation. She never failed to give me hope. May kung anong naramdaman akong sumiklab sa kaloob-looban ko. Ito na 'yon, the feeling of hope.

Tama si Mama. Hindi pwedeng puro iyak lang ang gawin ko dito buong araw. Kailangan kong magpakatapang. Kailangan kong gumawa ng paraan.

I roamed my eyes around the messy, bloody room.

Think of something that could help you with your situation, Aia. Think.

The light bulb inside my head lit up exactly as my eyes saw the white wired telephone above the maroon drawer.