My Little Poetry Book

Sexual Assault

I said no, he pushed, begged, forced. Sexual assault. It's not fun, it's nothing to joke about. When I heard people taking about sex in a jokingly manner, I would break down. They know. They know he did it, they just don't know how it happened. They judge me, they think I was fine with it, I wasn't. Three days later, I was still crying. He came back, it happened again. My house this time. I was pressured, forced to do something I didn't want to do. After a year, I grew stronger. I pushed him away. He tried again. He gave up and moved to someone new. I cried for weeks for not only myself, but that other girl who fell for his fake smile that made millions fall.. Last Monday, he came up to me again. He asked for something more. You know what I did? I ran home. Biting back tears. I haven't talked to him since. That was my story. There are so many more. So many boys and girls. Grown men and women who go through the same thing. Humans getting forced into doing something they don't want to do. I'm not alone. There are people in this room that go through it too. People crying late at night because they think nobody can hear them. I'm one of them. That incident that happened almost a year ago. The anniversary of the incident is coming up. I can feel it. May 9th. A day I can't ever forget no matter how much I want to. I'm not alone, neither are you. This is the first I'm talking about this incident and I feel free. Therapist after therapist have asked me if I'm a victim of sexual assault and I tell them no. But I am. And so many other people are. I don't think the forcer realizes how much one thing can affect the rest of someone's life. Let me tell you. It breaks you down, at first you act like your fine, but then you aren't. You fall apart piece by piece until you're sitting in class a year later wondering why? Why me? Why now? Why did it have to happen that way? You feel dirty. Something was stolen from you. Your innocence. You can never forgive yourself even though it wasn't your fault. Do you know how many people killed themselves because it sexual assault? A lot. It gets to the point where whenever someone brings up sex, you cower away and shudder. Because you were forced. You end up addicted to something that can destroy your body because you can't stand living with yourself. Like me. You end up feeling like it was all your fault, and the other person goes about as if nothing happened. Sometimes they feel guilty, and try to apologise. But how are you supposed to forgive something like that. They don't mean it. They never do. Because they go on and move onto someone else, ruining their lives. Some get caught, but others never do. They could be lurking around the corner, waiting for their next prey. They could be next to you, smiling their eyes out. They could be as broken as you, just looking for an outlet to pass that pain to. It may not have even been sex, but it could have been. I stopped it before it could get any worse, and you can too.