Conquering All (Boyxboy)

Chapter Two: Secrets

Chapter Two: Secrets

I barely made it home without any tears of fear falling down my face. My whole body trembled with every step. Worry and angst shot through me like darts as I mentally cursed everything that surrounded me as well as myself. Not too sure why, but I found that I had cursed myself for not speaking up. I cursed my myself for being awkward and cowardly. Basically, I cursed myself for being myself.

I woke up early the next morning from a very restless sleep. Debilitating thoughts shot through my mind all afternoon and evening the day before. I could barely sleep at all that night because of those thoughts worrying me, but I managed to get a least one hour of sleep.

Every step I took made me feel closer to death. Every passing second ticked forebodingly by, counting down to my inevitable doom. What was I to do? Not show up? I know I'm on Mrs. Edwin's good side, but still this is too much! Moreover, if I don't show up, what would she think, or do? She's a great person and teacher, and it would kill me to let her down. I never want to let anyone down.

I spent that whole morning pacing around my empty apartment in a mess of emotions. I went from telling myself, You'll be fine! His grade rests on you. To, You're doomed.

Once I was ready, I headed to the school, a half hour early. Once there, I was glad I found no one yet in the classroom. I took my seat and pulled out my journal. Call me a sissy, but yes I do have a journal. It too helps me stay sane. Not as much as my own fantasies, but it does help. I started to write,

I'm at school now and I am nervously awaiting some students' arrival. I know Mrs. Edwin said he would show up but I really hope not. I hope he just sees that it's is me and leaves! It'll hurt but I won't have to deal with him. Plus, who knows? She said some other students might show up. Maybe it could be Seth Greene. He's nice to everyone and maybe we'll start something ... more. He's cute too and

"Hey, Mrs. ...." a voice rang out at the door. I recognized it immediately and with it my heart sank to form a pit in my stomach. I slammed my journal closed and dipped my head down to avoid his gaze. What's he doing here so early?! My breathing began to labor and my heart beat hard against my chest. I was wearing a sweatshirt and I put my hood on slowly, so I could feel safe. "Hey, where's Mrs. Edwin?" he asked coolly.

"Sh-She's not here y-y-yet." I stuttered. Stupid! I cursed myself and bit my lip, hard.

"Jayden? Is that you?" he asked with a tone that I never expected to hear from him. It was calm and soothing. Yet, it was Blake, therefore I had no idea how to respond that wouldn't get my a punch in the face. I was afraid that even nodding would get me a comment that would pierce my heart.

Blake came over to me before I could respond and cower back into my sweatshirt. He was my fearful face and then said. "Oh, it is you." his spiteful tone was back. I bit my lip in fear of what was to come. I expected a slap, or punch, or for him to start a whole slur of insults, but he just said. "I'll be back. Tell Mrs. Edwin I'll be here." I just nodded sheepishly before he left.

It would only be a matter of time until I had to tell him that I would be tutoring him. I feared the worst. Since Mrs. Edwin was forcing him here to pass, he would have to stay. Or, maybe he wouldn't! Then again, I would tell Mrs. Edwin that. But then, Blake would have a field day with beating me up! Then again, he might just threaten me now to tell her I was here and leave. That would be the best case scenario. Worst case ... he makes me bleed.

A few worry-filled minutes later, Blake came into the room again. I felt myself cower into my sweatshirt to protect myself. I didn't look up at all, but I knew that he took his seat right next to me.