Journal

Dear Mom

I love you so fucking much I hope you know that.

You gave me the life I have now.

You bought me everything I have now.

You made me who I am now.

Without you I would be nothing. 

I know one day you won't be here to hold my hand.

Or calm me when I cry.

You won't be here to tell me everything will be ok when I feel like giving up on life.

I know one day I won't be able to hug you or kiss you or even tell you "I love you "

I know one day I won't hear that wonderful voice of yours.

I know I'm a shitty daughter.

I yell, talk back and sometimes even cuss at you.

I hate myself everyday for the way I treated you.

When the day comes that you have to leave me.

I know my life will truly be over for you are my true best friend.

You have been there for me for everything.

You were there to hold me when I got my heart broken.

When I felt like it was my fault you reminded me how beautiful and strong I am.

When I was going down the wrong road you were there to pull me back to the right side.

When I tried to take my life I don't remember much but I do remember how you dragged me to that car and to that hospital.

I remember seeing you scared to lose me.

I remember seeing tears in your eyes.

I couldn't believe I was the reason your heart was breaking.

I love you with all my heart and I hope you know that.

I don't tell you everyday and I have shit way of showing you I do.

But I hope you know that I truly do Love you.