Jungkook has begun suffering from his loss of childhood. Questions fill his head constantly and now? he isn't even sure if he has made the right decision to join BTS.
He's too scared to ask for help, just in case people look down on him. So instead...
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Lately, I have had the feeling that I'm thinking way too much. It's normal to think about things, I know it is. However, it's not normal to think about death.
Sometimes I think it's best to get help, but then again; who could i get help from? I'm an idol... known as the maknae of the famous group, BTS. If I even lift a finger people will know about it...
Imagine that...
"Jungkook. The suicidal star"
It would be all over the news. It's not something I'm proud of... But I can't change the attention it would get. The publicity it would receive, would not help me at all.
Mainly because it's the exact thing I want to run away from...
In some cases, I love the fans and the idol life. I can meet people who love our music. I can show my hard work. With the support of fans; it really feels like a dream come true.
But...
That's only a small majority of the idol life. The fans only see what we want them to see. A fake image...
What's the reality?
The reality for me is; I'm not prepared for an idol life, I never was. A 15 year old me never imagined that I would get death threats later on in life.
I never imagined I would be judged for being myself.
But then again, I never knew the internet was such a horrible place.
I have become lazy.
I no longer want to eat or work out and I dont even care about the consequences for it.
All that is present on my mind is that: I just want to be a teenager. I want my childhood that I missed becoming a singer.
Would that change anything?
I wonder; if I auditioned when I was older. Would I be feeling a lot more happier then I do now?
Namjoon: "Jungkook?"
A small knock followed after the desperate voice. How long have I been in my room?
Namjoon: "Jungkook? areyou okay?"
Light invaded my room, meaning Namjoon had opened the door. I don't want to see anyone... really, I don't. Not now.
But the idea of comfort is so tempting to me, it leaves me conflicted.
