Jungkook has begun suffering from his loss of childhood. Questions fill his head constantly and now? he isn't even sure if he has made the right decision to join BTS.
He's too scared to ask for help, just in case people look down on him. So instead...
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○
Once I finished washing my body I left the shower. Looking to the side of me I saw the bathroom floor spotless. There was not any blood around the area...
So why? Why did Jin-hyung become silent? There is nothing there, no blood. What did he see?
It's making me paranoid, making me overthink. Checking the floor again, I still found nothing.
Maybe he just needed to clear his throat? That's the only explanation I have. It was nothing, nothing I should be overthinking about like I am now.
But my mind is filled with these bad thoughts. I'm imagining what would happen if he saw something. What would the situation be?
Grabbing a towel, I wrapped it around my waist. Thankfully, nobody is home meaning I don't have to feel self-concious about my body.
Normally, I'm petrified at the thought of one of the members walking in. Them seeing my body and scars is like a nightmare to me.
But they are not here which eases my heart just a bit. Though, walking around my room in just a towel still makes me nervous: due to habit.
I'm tempted to just get change in my PJ's and not call Jin-hyung. Afterall, they have gone for a meal and I want to loose weight anyway.
Plus, I don't feel like leaving the dorm. There is a small feeling of anxiety at the thought of leaving the protection of my home.
People will recognise me...
It doesn't matter how much I cover my face they still recognise me. Whenever I try and enjoy my time alone I get bombarded with screaming fans.
Sometimes I get hate: if getting hate online was already hurtful, imagine what's it like to get it screamed at you from afar.
It hurts so much.
I can't handle it. This idol life is nothing but painful.
I auditioned to make songs that's all.
I don't want to have packed scheduals, screaming and violent fans. I don't want to see Hyungs having a bad time because of these reasons too.
I just want to make songs and dance. Doing these things puts me at peace. Relaxs me. But with interviews e.t.c I never have a chance to do what I initially signed up for.
I wonder would BigHit be open?
I doubt it will, even staff are on break this week. But it's only the fourth day off. There may still be people there.
With my new found determination I got changed in some comfortable clothing. Dance practice on my day off...
But it's much better than my other stress realiver. Much more healthier. At this point, I would welcome any other option to help with my mental state. It's not as though I don't want to help myself get better.
