I'm sorry...
The past few days have never been easy to me and as days gone by, it just gets harder and harder. I make dumb and stupid decisions that just only pushed me lower and lower to the ground.
I lost the same two things which helped me start this roleplay house in the first place: passion and dedication. And now I feel like I'm failing everyone... again, for the fvcking nth time.
I lost everything, even myself. And now it seems like I'm wandering in the dark and I can't find an escape as much as I want to. I cry all the fvcking time since last Saturday and I'm starting to get tired of it, but the stupid tears won't just fvcking stop.
I've been reading some hurtful stuff (which i will no longer state nor emphasize), and all I can do here is to be silent and cry, to suffer alone. Because after all, it's my fault. I haven't been doing what I should be doing as your Head. I've become stagnant and useless as anxiety is slowly getting the best of me.
And I'm afraid anytime soon, I'll just completely lose my grip to the only thing I've been clinging--- kayo. I'm afraid I'll soon give up and just let all my damned efforts be wasted. After all, that's where I'm best at... wasting everything due to my stupidity.
But the other side of me tells me to push through, to finish what I've started. After all, it will only be a few weeks before this world will finally reach an end. And after that, I can already leave everything behind, run away, and hide.
But the thing is Luna lost the power to continue. She feels so lost and messed up. So as I. My mind has gone blank and I don't know how should I continue. I lost motivation. I lost the will. Everyone said I should seek help and that's what I'm currently doing... for the last time.
Will you all please help me? Tell me what should I do to continue this rph. Tell me what issues shall be attended. Fvcking tell me the reason why should I continue this.
Because at the moment, the only thing that the voices in my head have been screaming is, "You're a failure. Just give everything up and leave."
