when I though things could get better but they did

what i just can't figure out Part 14

what i think about is how i am start to really injoy my self now and that why is it now that i am i feel  bad about it and that i just know that i keep feel bad about my self each time i have a good moment that i won't for get about and that my body and my mind like i should feel bad that it happen happen how long am i gone feel this way about it and that i just know that i want it to be over with so what i just gone do is eat it up and just take it when ever i feel this way i try so hard not to be around Tommy when i get this feeling and that i just want know if that this what i got for what i did and just up and left and how i left things with Tristen and that i just know that i can  i just do what would my friends think why wont they tell me what they think about what i did and that i could just figure things out a little easyer but i know that i can not get made about it because i did this to my self so what should i do huh and so i sat down on the floor and i just thought about it the hole time why the band was gone and did a consert and that i had the bus to my self and that it was nice so i just know that i when and lay down after a hour and tommy told me that they had four more hours until they be back on the bus so i taken that time to sleep and as i was sleep i had a dream about both tommy and tristen and that they make me choose who i love and that when i just fozen and that i just know that when i told them in my dream that i had have some time to think about ever thing with them both and that i just still stand there because i did want leave them at all so what i just did was wait there and i ask the guys if we could eat some where togather and just talk and when they though it was a good idea because both of the guys then want to leave me and they both want to see what i see in the another and that when they both just would look at me each time they say some thing to each other and that when i just sit there and keep leaping my drink and that when i just keep look back and for at them both and when the dinner came that when i just start to eat i want to but really i wait until both guys put some food in there mouth and that when i did the same some so that i did had keep a eye on them both and to make should there would be yelling or some cine of fit and that what i was frade of so what i just did was take what i could in my mouth and the guys were tell me to come down and that when they ask me what wrong and that when they just say thing and that i was just like can we just eat and not talk and don't be look at each other because i know that you want say something but don't so they look at the window make me think that they were look at each other when they were and i get that don't make since how one mint i go sleep and the next the guys are there thing is that tommy came check on me and Tristen show up out of know where and that when ever thing when down and i just could take it so make me shout out and that when we when out to eat and that i just could tell what they were gone do so what i just did was eat and we just talk and i start with Tristen on why he was here and that when he just say that he want know why i in to tommy and that tommy say the same about Tristen so i just like huh because i can do anything about it when really Tommy ask Tristen to come with us and that he spin week with use and that i just say in my head that i new i was gone hate it but i had know choose in the matter so that when i just say oh and that when we got down eat and that when we taken off and the only reason they new where we were is because or are phones and that when sometimes its nice and another times it just i hate it a lot but i just like i cant be made about it at all so i just think about how i hate it and that i just know that i greated to it by come on the trip so i just try and fine a place where they cant do that and when we got to new york and i did and that was on a billing and that i spin the night there until i new it was time to go and that what maked when the guys could get hold of me and that when they when look for me and that they did fine me until i was head to get some eat and that when they found me at a park but that because i want them to fine me because i turn my phone back on and that when they found me and turn out that they did all there talk and that they want me to pick wish one and that i just nap and say you two are choose for me now that you two are done do your talk and did you two figure out what you want because now i can stop werid what you two have to say or do and that when i like now i can do my think and my talk because you guys then care what place you put me all you two care about your self on know why i like you both and that this what happen you two push me and make me do some that i not okay with and that another one of you are different but both of you would be great for each other and that when i got my food and i start walk way back to the bus and i just when in my room and i stay in there for the past three hours and that i just did have a reason to get out and that the hole time i was in my bedroom i was talk to Taylor and that when she ask about how i been all ever thing and i told her that Tristen was here and that tommy had him come because they want to see why i am in the another and that when i ask her if she new and she say no and that know one new so what i just like ok and i told her how right then and there they want me to choose and that when i just like i snap at them both and i say what i had to say and i just walk away and got back on the bus and came to my room and here we are now and that she though what i though how they both are jerks and i just can't figure out what they though it be okay to do that and that it was good idea when it was stupid and that i just did talk for the rest of the week Tristen left and tommy another until everything was the same