Begin Again

Prolouge

There I sat. My head down, teeth clenched, and my eyes shut tight. How long I have been sitting like this, I do not know. I should be crying, but I'm not. I am raw inside and have no more power to feel. As soon as I am about to slip into an oblivion of sleep I hear his solemn voice.

"Hey Jennifer," Donte says gravely as he sits next to me and drapes his arm around my shoulders.

Only then do I feel the sharp pain inside my chest that has been waiting to strike. I gasp for a breath of air and hiccup before I finally let out my long overdue sobs. I bury my face into Donte's chest and breathe in his scent trying to calm myself down, but I only cry harder as he wraps me into his full embrace.

After there were no more tears left, I pulled myself away from his familiar body and buried my face in my hands, wiping away the salty tears. Donte reached out and put his finger under my chin lifting my head until our eyes met. He gave me a weak smile.

"You know I don't like you seeing me cry," I sniffled as I dip my head back down into my hands fully aware that I am an ugly crier.

"I know, but that does not mean you need to be ashamed of yourself. You are hurting and tears are how normal human beings respond to pain. And," he added with a smirk, "you are still beautiful."

Donte always knows the right things to say, which is why we have been best friends for twelve years.

"Thanks," I mumbled embarrassed. For unlike Donte I am not gifted with words and never know the right things to say. I sigh and lean my back against him closing my eyes and letting him support me.

"Hello love birds," Lana's shrill voice said a little too cheerfully.

I forced myself to sit up and open my eyes. I found myself staring at my perfectly tan cousin whom appears to have no flaws.

"For the millionth time we are just friends!" I retort angrily at her apparent giddiness.

"I'm sorry, how are you holding up sweetie?" Lana says realizing her previous gleefulness.

"What do you think?"

As quick as my anger appeared, it washed away and I felt a new wave of tears threatening to spill over the brim of my eyelids.

"Oh, honey." she sympathized as she sat down next to me and pulled me into her arms.

For the second time that day, I let myself get lost in a wave of tears which seemed to never end.

Lana pulled back and wiped the tears off of my cheeks with her thumbs. She scanned her eyes up and down looking at my disastrous body.

"We need to fix you up." she stated as she pulled makeup out of her designer purse. (I'm not really sure what brand it is, I never keep up with the current trends).

Donte shot her a warning glance since he knows full well how self conscious I am. I just chuckled and allowed Lana to smother my face in the artificial colors. After about ten minutes of Lana working her magic I pulled back my head.

"Lana," my voice trembled, "I can't lose him."

And for the third time that day, my tears soaked the waiting rooms floor.