Love & War | Brad Simpson ✔️

46. "I don't need you to be strong for me"

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The night is long and my sleep is broken and restless. I wake up nearly every hour, my only comfort being the constant of Brad's quiet snoring and his strong arms around my middle. It feels like they're the only thing holding me together.

When the light outside is bright enough, I gently push Brad's arms away from me and sit up, rubbing my tired eyes. I already know that they are puffy and tinged red from last night's crying. Brad begins to stir next to me, stretching his legs out so they poke out the bottom of the duvet. His arm reaches out and curls around the front of my thigh.

"How did you sleep, babe?" he hums, his voice husky with sleep.

"Fab" I reply flatly.

"I feel like that was sarcastic"

"I spent all night thinking about my brother disowning me as a sibling" I continue, sarcastically adding, "how do you think I slept?"

He sighs and sits up, wrapping his arms around my waist and resting his chin on my shoulder.

"Do you want me to make you some breakfast?"

"No, thank you"

"How about we go out for lunch then?"

"I'd rather not"

I feel him press a sweet kiss against my neck.

"It'll do us good to get out of the flat for a bit," he says as I glance over at him with a blank expression. He looks great, especially for someone who's just woken up. His hair is messily strewn across his forehead and as much as I'd love to run my fingers through it, now is not the time.

"Why are you acting like last night didn't happen?"

"Ella-" he sighs, but I cut him off.

"Why aren't you more bothered? How are you acting so chilled out about it?"

"I'm trying to be strong for you" he tells me, curling his hand around mine.

"I don't need you to be strong for me"

"Fine then, you know what, Ella? I'm fucking gutted. I'm terrified that I've lost a best mate and a brother and I'm terrified for the band and I don't know what to do and I don't know how to make things better, I don't wanna lose him and I don't wanna lose you"

He groans and lets his head drop against my shoulder. I chew on my lip and rest my cheek against his hair.

"You can take me to Wetherspoons," I say, "and buy me a fry up"

He lifts his head up and takes my chin in his hand, pressing his lips against mine, "I'll buy you anything you want"

"In that case, you can get me some shots while we're there" I half-joke. Drinking at this time would definitely make me look like an alcoholic but if it makes me forget about last night, bring it on.

"Well, we do need to celebrate"

"Celebrate?" I scoff.

"You got into UAL!" he reminds me. I'd barely thought about the fact. The whole Tris saga kind of overshadowed that. Seems less important right now.

"Right" I sigh.

"Ella, I thought that was your dream"

"My dream including my brother still talking to me"