Under The Yellow Lights

Desire

"Your love was like fire
Lukewarm to my heart
When you left, I couldn't help but burn my heart with it."

                   ~WolfWomanwriter

                                ●●●

Listen to Idfc by Blackbear

>>>>>>>>>>>

The sun was up in the sky straight above my head as I held the bat and trained my eyes on the ball that was fast approaching me. In a flash I swung the bat making the ball fly higher.

"Sixer!!"

"Heck ya! Bhai that was amazing. We win!", Yousuf told me as we made our handshake. Playing cricket actually was a great relief to me that I did it religiously. We won this game too but that did not make me feel happy. I felt something missing from me, which isn't a foreign feeling. I've been experiencing this most of my life. I gathered my cricket gear and walked into the house. I put down everything I carried and splashed water on my face.

"4 years. 4 years since you graduated. Shahir studied with you and now he's working in a corporate company. Yousuf, even your younger brother is working at your friend's garage during his vacation. Did it not even cross your mind to work for a living? Do you think you're a royal heir who can inherit all his father's wealth? If yes, son, your father was poor and is now dead. So stop your useless cricket matches and silly fights and start doing something to prove you're fit to survive. I feel ashamed to have borne you. I swear if one more.."

"Enough!"

I shouted as the cold water dripped my face. I left the house in a hurry. This happens every time I step into the house. Not once have I eaten or slept in peace. Everytime my mother made sure she was barking at me so that I felt like a failure. Sure, I had to find a job. But lately, everything has been so... vague? Indifferent? Empty? I don't know. I've felt this way since my papa's death. I loved him so much. We always spent time together and when he died suddenly, it felt very unfair. I lost the purpose to live.

I wanted to cry out loud, wail at my irreparable loss, but no.

Big Boys don't cry.

At first I thought I was proving that I was a Big boy and I was strong. But my insides started dying slowly. The feelings I had buried in, have become rotten and now it was stinking. I needed an outlet. But I became this brilliant actor who can act like he's totally fine when he's actually decaying inside. Something stopped me from getting a job. I exactly knew what it was. When I was little I always spent most of my time with papa. Papa was a carpenter so we enjoyed the wood dust and carrying logs of wood. I liked his workplace and we never missed a day.

Thinking about it made my heart ache literally. I wanted to be there. I wanted to be a carpenter like papa and I wanted him to be proud of me. But I couldn't go to the workshop. I was scared.

I was occupied by my thoughts and my legs automatically made their way to the lamppost. Its been a week since I met the pretty girl. She didn't come to the lamppost after that night. I did not see her too even though we were living in the same street. I let out a sigh and my stomach grumbled. I ignored it and leaned back. I pushed my hair out of my vision and there stood Prajakta, in front of her room.

Now Prajakta and I had a history. We dated and it was a disaster. The end. Actually I loved her, which turned out to be a mistake but still she had a soft spot in my heart. Her room was in the first floor of her house. Her house, well, it was on the opposite of our house so it was a hard time trying to forget her. She stood there with someone talking very animatedly. The someone's face was quite dull I could tell it was a girl, since the person had ridiculously long hair. Prajakta had that effect, she dulled out whoever was beside her. Her face always shined in her glory.

I can say that she knew I was watching her by the way she not-so-subtly looked at my side. Her hand was on her hip. She was wearing a flowery dress and probably smelt like freshly picked Jasmines....no don't go that way. She made sure I realized what I was missing after breaking up with her. I would start feeling the heartbreak again if I kept looking at her so I put my head down and ran my hands through my face.

My hair fell down in front of me like a curtain. Frustrated, I got up and ran. Ran like there's no tomorrow. Like I knew where I was going. Like I was going to go to papa...
I stopped when my legs started hurting. I looked around it was a empty gas station. It looked like no one has been using it for years
. I sat down and then I did that one thing I've never done in my life. I cried and I realized
Sometimes big boys do cry.

Annoying Author's Space:

Hello lovely reader. At last one person read this shitty book and I'm grateful for them. Please reveal yourself I love you!! So, guys I'm going to say the same old shit: Please touch the star with your precious fingers. Comment what you think about this book. Stay safe. See ya!