Hello and Goodbye

Chapter 3

(younger) Toby in photo

Not to sound like a child,
But this is stupid.

I shouldn't be sitting here right now.

"Charlotte, it was a great session. I'll see you next week at 4?" Doctor something-stein said and I nodded, getting up from the couch. This is senseless.

I walked down the hall and was finally met by the fresh air of outside.

I got in the car and sat there for a moment.

Carson was at his new job and mom was on some date with some guy.
Did I really want to be home alone with my thoughts?

They would only lead to my father... the cutting....

My therapist says I like being alone too much.

My heart ached when I realized what I really wanted.
"Fuck" I sighed and sent out a text message, that I'd probably regret.

Well there's no backing out now. I started up the car and drove to where I needed to be. I was at conflict with myself the entire way there.

This was a bad idea.

I should just turn back.

But I couldn't bring myself to do it.

I pulled infront of the house that was way too familiar, I jumped out of the car feeling eyes on me.

A familiar someone sat on the familiar porch steps.

"Hi Toby" I said with my arms crossed and leaned against the car as his eyes eagerly watched me.

He let out a breathe he must of been holding in and slowly walked closer. "Hi beautiful"

I looked away, almost resenting him for being sweet. I didnt want feelings, not for him. I had enough things going on in my head.

"I um, I know youve been giving my mom money for therapy sessions. I just wanted to say thank you. It means a lot to her that im going." Awkwardly looking around and moving my foot against the gravel.

Toby was a few feet away from me now, worry sunken in his face. "Carson was by here two weeks ago. Told me I should give you space, and help anyway I could. He told me you've been cutting, Char." His voice cracked at the end and I had to turn my back to him.

I couldnt bare the thought of him crying. Because of me.

"Im fine."

He stayed silent for a moment and I know he didnt believe me.

"you hungry? Ill order us pizza"

I smiled crookedly as I stared down at my hands. He knew I loved pizza.

"I can stay for pizza" I said turning around and he had the biggest grin. With that we silently walked into his forest home, that hadnt changed one bit since the last time i was here.

Everything was in the same spot, it was still museum worthy clean. Not one thing was out of place. Even as we went up to his room, nothing was different.

Except a photo he kept by his night stand.

My fingers traced the delicate wood frame as I picked it up.

It was a photo of 13 year old me, smiling and laughing at the park. With Toby behind me, making a goofy face.

I couldn't help but sigh. This hurt.

And I shouldn't be here.

"You took that photo of us right before you left." He said low.

I nodded "Yeah I remember"