letters | pjo leo.v

3 ┊ calyspo's gone

It has been a few days since you started writing letters, and Calypso's arrival. It was hard to admit when you were blinded by envy, but she was a nice girl. You could see why Leo would chose her over you and it didn't help the situation that all she wanted to do was to be your friend. You didn't want to hang out with someone who reminds you of all the "what ifs" you could have gotten with Leo. You rejected her request, but she accepted it with grace, yet again making you feel like crap since she was just too kind.

That was probably why when the news that she was gone had spread, a small part of you was genuinely worried. She didn't deserve to just... disappear.
"Where is she?" You saw Leo cry, hands ruffling his already messy brown hair as he looked at Will desperately. "Wasn't she in the infirmary just now? How could she have just disappeared?"

Will looked a little annoyed, but mostly tired, like he had gone through the conversation with Leo the nth time and nothing ever changed. "As I've already said, I don't know."

"You weren't keeping tabs on her, were you?" he accused immediately causing Will to retreat back, eyebrows furrowed.

"I'm sorry Leo, but this is ridiculous. I don't know anything, and yes, we did, but how can we keep track of her all the time?" Will caught you standing in a distance and you saw how he brightened up, almost as if a lightbulb was above him shining a soft and luminescent glow on his skin. He called your name and you froze in your spot.

Dammit, your caught.

You wanted to run away and pretend you did not hear Will, but something flashed in Leo's eyes when he looked at you. It was too quick - and you were too far - to catch what it was exactly, but it left you curious.

Will finally came over and Leo followed behind. "Oh it's so good to see you!" he said as he gave you a hug. With his back against Leo, he whispered in your ear while hugging you: "You're the only one who can save me from Leo's bombarding questions... please."

You were a little surprised by Will's hug since he's not one to hug so adamantly, but after his plea for help, it made sense. You pulled away and gave him a small smile, hands on his shoulders. You gave him a small nod and he exchanged a look of relief with you. "Go do your thing, I got this."

He left and you made your way to Leo. "Come on."
Keeping your hands to yourself, even if you badly wanted to hold his hand,  you walked off and occasionally turned around to check if he was following.

He seemed a little uncomfortable, a little distressed, and he rubbed the nape of his neck with a look of guilt. You shrug it off with the thick atmosphere and the look of distressed from him disappeared as he tagged along.

"...Hey... where are we going?"

"The shed. It'll help you relax and loosen up," you replied and turned back once again to check on him. If you were honest with yourself, you did not "got this" as you said you would to Will. Neither were you as calm as you showed yourself to be. Leo was a wild card for you. The effect he had on you was unpredictable yet powerful, as always. "It's somewhere you used to take me too when I was distressed."

He was thinkering with some metal gears, you noticed. He tried to make it subtle, his hands behind his back, but you knew him well enough to know he was nervous. He tinkered with small gears whenever he was nervous. Again, if you were honest, you were nervous too. You weren't sure what you're doing, and you being alone with Leo would mean unpredictable things to occur.

"Why are you nervous?" you finally asked and he looked at you with a forced smile and a raised eyebrow.

"I'm not nervous?"

"You are."

He kept his gears and caught up to your pace. "I'm not," he stated clearly as if be didn't need to say anymore to win this fight.

"You were."

He sighed and tucked his hands into his pockets. He opened his mouth, wanting to say something but closed it immediately after. The walk towards the shed was quiet and once again, awkward. You tried to break the silence a few times but it just made the thick tension between the two of you worst.

As you neared the shed, he finally mustered up the courage and started the conversation with the worst starter topic ever. "Look, about the kiss-"

It was the trigger that got you upset. You stomped your foot on the muddy ground, not caring about the small splashes of mud as you swirled and glared at Leo. "What about it?" you interrupted, hands crossing over your chest. He couldn't make eye contact with you, eyes darting around to anywhere but you. He started tinkering with his gears once again and you wondered if that was why he was nervous. He was nervous because he probably regretted the kiss. Yeah, he regretted it.

He looked distraught, like a deer in the headlights and once again you're met with the quietness of the forest.

He exhaled, and you saw him literally trying his best to pick up courage to look at you. He held his gaze for a few seconds before breaking it away, and he spoke: "Look, that kiss meant something, okay. I just... It meant something."

"What about now? Does it matter now?"

He bit his lips. He's on the fence on something. You could literally see how he was fighting with something inside him, his eyebrows raising up and down creating expressions of frustration mixed with confusion.

"Why are you telling me this?" you plead. "I'm just here to bring you to your shed so you won't bother Will anymore. I understand Calypso means a lot to you, and I understand I kept denying I liked you, but why are you telling me this now? Of all times? You came back with Calypso, your new girlfriend, and-"
"Wait..." he looked at you wide eyed. His hands had stopped playings with the gears. His breathing was quickened, you could tell from the rise and fall of his chest quickening. "You like me?"

You furrowed your eyebrows. It's your turn to break away your gaze from him. Hands clenched, you admitted through gritted teeth that you do like him, you've just been stupidly denying it. "You telling me this is not necessary," you added after a while before turning around and running away.
That was a mess.

But you expected it. Whenever you were with Leo unexpected things would occur, like the kiss.
The kiss. He said it meant something. He used to love you. You've missed your chance.

You barged into your cabin, taking a pen and papers as you dash out and made your way to another safe place: the tree right in front of the camp.

There, you wrote down everything once again. You were a cauldron and your emotions was the ingredients. They mixed in a vicious way that made you feel like a tightened jar about to explode. You blinked your tears back, trying to swallow down the lump in your throat. You were trying to write letters, but at that point, you couldn't concentrate enough to write proper words. All you could muster before breaking into tears was "It hurts to love you, Leo."

It really did hurt, but it wasn't his fault. It hurt more because this was your fault. You missed your chance with him. You caused this.

[author's note]
so sorry for the really sporadic updates. i'm in junior college right now and it's extremely busy. to make matters worst, we were told to not write anymore narrative and practice on expository writing which is why i'm not only getting rusty but not having enough time and practice for narrative writing. i do hope you guys continue to support, comment and vote for this story! i'm really excited with the plot and you'll meet an oc of mine (pst: Lina Lon) in maybe chapter 6? she plays a major role so i hope you'll all like her!