i'm fine

Sunday

I come from an ordinary world,
an ordinary school,
and an ordinary town,
I was afraid on opening my laptop because I was frightened of who might be online and let alone what they might say. I didn't want to be dumb, or a scaredy cat as I opened it up I saw something I didn't want to see
something I wish that could go away
that something is called pain
it strikes me somewhere in my body
but no matter how many times they strike
I must stand tall.
                        Eleanor4life is online
Goddess._.Sophia: ew hurry up get offlineo and kill yourself, can't you see no one wants you here?
                        Eleanor4life is offline
I sat back and went on my phone. I really didn't have the time to put up with her bullshit.I don't understand why she takes time in her day to say those things, it doesn't even bother me and she needs to get that through her head and her little stuck up minions, Stella and Carla don't even have a reason to hate me. Matter a fact everyone doesn't have a reason, I just want it to stop
the pain,
the worries
the sorrows
the fears
everything to just stop
they just want to be on her good side, not that she has one. I got up and went to the mirror  I brushed my long brown wavy hair I started to sing in a sweet and softening voice "hush little baby don't say a word, papa's gonna buy you a mocking bird and if tha-" I heard a knock on the door "hunny? are you okay you usually sing to yourself when your sad.." said my mom "I'm fine mom" I replied.
"Okay but sweetie don't sing when your sad you have the most sweetest voice, don't use it against you, use it with you."
"mom we has this conversation dozens of times night mom!"
"Night sweetie."
I took a deep breath and put my brush down, I looked in to my light green eyes "why are you so ugly?" I whispered to my reflection, after staring at myself and studying my face I turned away to put my pajamas on, I ended up wearing a purple crop top on with black sweatpants. I looked at my computer and just stood their trying to make a choice whether to open it and see what Sophia has to say about me or just mind my own business , I turned my head and crawled onto my bed and bursted into tears, it felt like I was drowning underwater,
unseen,
unheard.
"I'm weak"
"i'm dumb, stupid, retarded, they are right I should just kill my self " I took pills from under my pillow and stared at them while tears were streaming down my eyes,
I feel broken
sad
depressed
I just need it to finally stop papa...
papa! please make it stop I just need you with me..
I got up and looked in the mirror again,
"your pathetic." My heart was broken and torn, but I am Eleanor Michelle Parker and I will not let you walk over me
I will not let you speak to me disrespectfully
I will not let you lay your hands on me
and I will not feel sorry for myself...
those were my last thoughts before I dozed off
but before I knew it I woke up again and it was time for school, a hell of a nightmare.