PIEL DE MIEL

la douleur exquise

god in my heart i feel an exquisite ache—

( it's that same ache i felt throbbing behind my
eyes when you had me meet your dad and he
told you i shouldn't be coloring your life like that
it's the same ache i felt between my thighs when
you pushed me up onto that countertop and said
let's show him what color i can make you that ache
is all too familiar. / / sitting in the backseat of your
car and we have a front row seat to the stars'
dance tonight and you picked the moment where
the hunter was just about to unbuckle orion's belt
that you said i don't like the way you make me feel
(a terrible moment you picked i was just about to
reach the sky's climax). you were running your fingers
over the back of my neck and told me those goose
bumps were all in vain because you didn't want to be
the one to warm me back up after / / maybe my dad
was right you said to me while i closed my eyes
to make this seem like just a surreal nightmare
but you continued i liked the color i could paint you
but you paused to lick at the crying leather of your
car seats and stuck your head out the window to
air out the stench of my rotting dreams i didn't like
the way you colored me )

—it's such an exquisite ache — it's not a hurt because that would imply i don't like it but god do i like it — that permeates my capillaries with such a potency my mind does not yet have the capacity to comprehend. it's a pulsing ache behind my ribs that wrenches my soul into a tight coil that cannot wait to unravel at the delicately excruciating sight of you. it's an ache that i can't convey into intelligible phrases because no such a language has been spoken into existence by god and hasn't come out of the mouth of even shakespeare himself. it's an ache that transpires through every pore of my skin and that i bleed out onto the very eyes you witness my affliction with.

comprehending my ache for you is a study that has not yet been invented. even the most brilliant oxford minds will curse me for showcasing something no one can envisage.