Broken Windows // Phan AU

Chapter Eight: Courage and Fear

I open my eyes to morning sunlight streaming in through my bedroom window. At my first glance at the clock, it's only 8:15, which is earlier than I usually wake up on the weekends. I feel different too, heavier and more relaxed. It takes me a moment to figure out why.

The arm draped across my chest doesn't take long to notice. My eyes follow it until they land upon the figure sound asleep beside me. I just look at his face for a minute, the most peaceful I've ever seen it look. I hardly remember falling asleep beside this face.

It's usually a pretty disorienting feeling to wake up next to someone you do not expect to wake up next to. So why don't I feel disoriented?

I really don't hate this feeling.

At my slightest shift in position to stretch a bit, Dan's eyes flutter open, and it takes them approximately 0.0001 seconds to lock with mine and fill with realization before he's pulling his arm away from my body and sitting up with reddening cheeks.

"Shit, sorry," he mumbles, looking away. "I didn't mean to fall asleep here."

"Hey, it's okay, it's okay," I assure him. The last thing I want is to make Dan feel guilty for something so trivial as this, but it seems I'm not doing a very good job, as he immediately rolls out of bed and starts making his way towards the door, still mumbling apologies along the way.

"Dan!" I exclaim groggily, hopping off the bed, placing a hand on his shoulder and turning him around to face me. "Why are you getting so worked up over this? We were talking, we got tired, so we fell asleep. End of story. Nothing weird about it."

He shakes his head, letting out an almost-scoff. "Are you kidding, Phil? You see nothing wrong with this entire situation? Why the hell am I even still in your house, let alone sleeping in your bed?"

"Dan, stop. We're not doing this right now. It's eight o'clock in the morning, we literally just woke up, and I don't know about you, but I can't even think straight."

He sighs, putting his head in his hands and rubbing his eyes tiredly. He lets a few moments pass in silence before speaking up in a voice that is gentle, but with words that are sharp.

"It's really not that hard to understand. I'm a fucking burden. I'm ruining your life, and you're just too good or too scared to kick me out of it."

"Sit down," I tell him, leading him back to the bed. He sits in frustration while I stand over him. I'll drill the words into his head if I have to. "Listen to me. You are not a burden. You're the closest thing to a cure for the constant loneliness I've experienced for years, and I don't want you to leave."

He looks up, his expression full of confusion and surprise. "That's really hard to believe."

"Well you need to at least try to believe it because it's true. You're so down on yourself that you can't even accept the fact that someone might actually care about you. God, you need a hug."

I drop down onto the bed next to Dan, surging forward and wrapping him in a big embrace, nearly knocking him backward in the process. He sits there, hesitating to return the hug.

"Hug me back, you heartless prick," I laugh, trying to lighten the mood with my playful teasing.

He finally manages to put his arms around me as if he's been waiting for permission to do so. His body is so warm against mine. He still feels a little tense, but the embrace is comforting nonetheless. When we finally pull away, I draw in a deep breath.

"You were right about one thing. You need to get out of this house. Just for a little while. You literally haven't gone outside, other than to take out the trash, since you got here. Let's go take a drive, you and me. Maybe a change of scenery will make you feel a little better."