Broken Windows // Phan AU

Chapter Fourteen: Disclosure and Desire

The day after my confession of feelings for Dan is the one-monthiversary of his arrival at my house. I'm not quite sure how or why I remember this, but it's the only thing on my mind all day. On one hand, I can't believe how long it's been - that "just for the night" turned into an entire month of his presence. But on the other hand, I feel as if I've known Dan my whole life.

I never would have thought that my feelings for Dan would ever be reciprocated, especially not openly. So I have no idea what's supposed to come next. I've spent this whole month sort of expecting him to pack up and leave one day and never come back. Now here we are; we've gone and dug ourselves into a hole so deep that any attempt to dig ourselves back out would surely cause a whole lot of pain that I'm not sure I could handle.

So now I've gotten used to him being here. And I've got this idea in my head about him staying. And I don't know if that's in any way realistic or just downright crazy, but I know it's what I want deep down.

I need to tell someone. I need to talk about this.

So I make a decision and I pull into my driveway after work, but instead of walking to my front door, I walk over to Louise's and knock three times.

"Hey, Phil!" she exclaims cheerily after opening the door. "What's up? I wasn't expecting you."

"I wasn't expecting me either," I chuckle.

"Come on in. I just made tea."

I go inside and sit down on the sofa while Louise rushes into the kitchen and comes back with two cups of tea. I make myself comfortable as she hands me my cup and sits down beside me. I knew it was a good idea to come here. Louise always puts me at ease. She's like a big sister to me.

"Louise, I need to tell you something that no one else knows. It's about Dan."

"Who's Dan?"

"Derek. I... I told you his name was Derek, but it's not, it's Dan, and he's not a friend from uni or in town on business or whatever story I made up. I met him just a month ago when he broke into my house at 2 A.M."

Louise doesn't respond. She only furrows her brows and gives me a look that says 'explain yourself.'

So I do. I tell her everything, starting from the very beginning when Dan broke in and convinced me to let him stay "just for the night." How that led to a few days, then a week, then somehow a whole entire month. I tell her about how I started to develop feelings for him, how he came out to me and we kissed on New Year's Eve. All the way up to last night, when we had expressed our mutual attraction. The only thing I decide to leave out of my narrative is the whole shower session. Some details are better left unsaid.

"...and I've been confused for so long. He still won't tell me what happened that night, right before he broke in, or who he was running from. And I don't know what the hell I'm supposed to tell my family, my parents, if we really were to start something-"

"Phil!" Louise suddenly interjects. "You are 30 years old! A grown-ass man! You don't have to justify every aspect of your life and every decision you make to your mom and dad anymore, and you certainly don't have to take shit from them. What are they going to do? Ground you? Take away your car, your phone?"

"No, but they could hate me for the rest of their lives."

"I... I know. I know you don't want that kind of relationship with your parents. I know they're important to you. But I don't think they would hate you. They might not be accepting of this one particular aspect of your life, but if you give it time, I'm sure they would learn to tolerate it."

"I just need to see where this goes first. This thing with Dan. I want him to be honest with me about that night. I just don't know how to get him to open up."