✔ || Save Me [[SEQUEL to DISTRACT ME]]

Chapter 50

It took many weeks of trying. At first, his dry voice was too wobbly - too rusty - to flow through the notes. There were many times he wanted to stop. To just throw away his headphones and trash his mic.

His hyungs would wait for him every evening at the BigHit building, no matter how many hours it took for him to come shuffling out of his recording studio, hopeless tears threatening to spill.

Many times, they did spill. Because he had made this for him - for them - and Jeongguk couldn't fucking do it. Whenever that happened - whenever he stepped out of the studio with puffy red eyes - the other members would automatically surround him in a silent embrace. Even though they knew they couldn't make it better. Not by themselves. Not when Jeongguk didn't care to get better himself.

Seokjin would force him to eat. Yoongi would force him to stay in bed most of the night, even though he rarely slept. Jimin would make him shower. Namjoon would keep him hydrated. Hoseok would make sure his clothes were fresh and his face was clean-shaven.

He was little more than a hollow shell. All that he cared about was the song. It became his everything - it replaced everything he'd lost when he left.

But slowly, he could see the light at the end of the tunnel. Slowly, his voice found its melody once more. When he got through the first verse without so much as a voice crack, he made himself stop for the day. He didn't want to ruin it by pushing himself.

And slowly, ever so slowly, he sang the entirety of 'Euphoria.'

His hyungs were proud. Were happy. Jeongguk worried that they hoped it would somehow fix everything.

It didn't.

But it helped. A little. Laboring over the sheet music, straining his unused vocal cords, had been like putting a bandaid over a bullet hole. Now, at least, it felt like the wound had been stitched up. It still hurt. A lot. But it had been given the proper care. It would get better.

That's what he told himself as he smiled, listening to his voice singing his lyrics over his instrumental track.

It broke his heart. But that organ was already rendered useless, so it was okay.

Namjoon suggested that he reach out to his family. But he couldn't bring himself to do it. That was supposed to be something they did together. Something for many years in the future because Jeongguk would have kept him around that long.

They hadn't had enough time.

That's all Jeongguk could think as he listened to the finished track.

There were so many things they were supposed to do together.

But there was still a part of him that wholeheartedly believe that he wasn't gone forever. That their time wasn't up.

What a fucking trip dream.

━━━━━━ ◦ ❖ ◦ ━━━━━━

Jeongguk opened his eyes and almost laughed at how sick his subconscious was. It was a pallid white, and he hated how foreign it felt.

It was like it wasn't even his own mind.

And then he realized how surprising it was that he was actually dreaming. He almost forgot that was something he could even do.

He tried to will a chair into existence, but he couldn't convince his broken brain to work. He cursed at himself, frustrated tears welling up in his eyes.

He couldn't even control his own damn dreamscape anymore.

Suddenly, he heard something. Something terrifying. Something he wished would just go away before it shattered his heart any more.

Something that proved that this was a nightmare.

"Jagi?"

Shaking, Jeongguk choked on a sob. What the fuck is wrong with me?

Unable to lift his head for fear of seeing his mind's pathetic version of him, Jeongguk squeezed his eyes shut and released a strangled wail. What did it matter? He was the only real person here anyway. He could cry in his dreams.

"Jeongguk."

The maknae keeled over, collapsing on his kneecaps with a resounding crack. He ignored the pain as he gripped the hair along the nape of his neck.

And then there was a hand, warm and firm and heartbreakingly familiar, on his shoulder. He jerked away, falling onto his back, and gasped up at the looming figure.

It looked so real.

Jeongguk wetted his lips, terror and misery rocketing through his blood. He whimpered, "Please."

He crouched down in front of him. "Jeonggukie?"

Jeongguk scrambled away and croaked, "Go away! You're not him!" Manic, he swung. The apparition wasn't even in arms reach, though, so it was a fruitless attempt. "Go the fuck away!"

The apparition frowned and stood once more, gazing sadly down at Jeongguk.

Why the fuck does it look so real?!

"Jagiya -"

"No!" Jeongguk shrieked, curling around himself. Sobs were wracking his weak body, and he just wanted to drown, to burn, to die. Anything to make this godforsaken apparition disappear. All strength siphoning out of him in one swoop, he whimpered, "Go away."

"No," the apparition insisted, crouching once more, his movements painstakingly slow. As if Jeongguk was an easily spooked wild animal, which wasn't entirely false. 

Another loud wail ripped out of Jeongguk's throat, and he turned away, agony taking over his chest. The stitches had been yanked right out of the bullet hole, and it felt like the wound would never stop bleeding. The apparition reached towards him, and Jeongguk didn't have the strength to stop it.

His hand was gentle as it caressed Jeongguk's cheek. Overcome at last, the maknae met his eyes.

Taehyung smiled, but it was small and sad, and Jeongguk knew why. The elder just saw exactly what his absence had done to the maknae.

Taehyung's voice was quiet and broken as he spoke.

"You found me, jagi. You really, really did." Carefully, he brushed a kiss on the maknae's forehead. "I promise I'm here. Me. Really me."

Jeongguk bit his quivering lip. Because he wasn't entirely sure what to say, he blurted through his tears, "I finished it. Our song. 'Euphoria.'"

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{A/N: This was going to be the last chapter, but I decided that I wanted to explore a little more. So, tomorrow will bring the epilogue, and with it the end of Save Me. I hope you have enjoyed this wild ride as much as I have! Thank you so, so much for sticking with me until the end!}