Zero

Chapter 7: Elizabeth

~Liz's Point of View~

"Idiot. You are such an idiot."

That's the only thing going through my mind as I push past people heading towards the bathrooms. Once I get in there I let out a loud groan. There, fixing up her already flawless face and hair, is Jessica. Hoping she doesn't recognize me, I go into a stall and try to stay quiet until she leaves.

"Liz? Are you okay?" She asks me. Shit. "Oh yeah I'm fine. It's just that I may or may not have feelings for your ex-boyfriend, you know the one who was acting all friendly and maybe even flirting with me until his friend showed up, the one who happens to be one of the "popular" people. Which, by the way, are the people who make my life hell. And hey, don't you happen to be one of those people? You weren't always one of them though, we used to be best friends; Thalia, you, and me. But you don't like to remember those days do you? But other than that I'm fine, how has your day been?" Is everything I want to say but don't.

"Yeah. I'm fine." I say, trying not to sound like I just swallowed a bunch of saltine crackers. "You're lying. I know you Elizabeth, you've got your fake voice on." Really, she's going to be the one talking to me about fake voices? "Go away Jessica." I say. "Fine. Go ahead and close your self off like you always do." She says.

I hear the door close and look under the stall to make sure she really did leave. Not seeing her red, high heeled shoes, I finally let out the sob I've been trying to contain. How could I have been so stupid? I mean, did I really think someone like him would go for someone as pathetic as me? There was always that little voice in the back of my head when I was talking to him saying, "He's too good for you. Even if you get him, he's going to do the Mexican hat dance on your heart later on." That stupid little voice was right. I hate that voice. That voice, I believe, is worse than any bully could be. Because it's my voice. My own voice is telling me I'm not good enough, I'll never be thin enough, I'll never be pretty enough. How sad is that?

Using the cheap toilet paper, I try to clean up my tears as best as I can. Walking out of the stall, I look in the mirror to see how horrible I look after I've just cried my eyes out. Surprisingly, I don't look as bad as I thought I would. The redness from crying actually kind of looks like it could be blush.

Oh who am I kidding? I look like crap.

Thank God it's lunch time because I don't think I could handle walking into a classroom like this. Walking into the cafeteria like this isn't that much better though. Plus, lunch on its own is hell anyway. I usually eat it in the library, which is why I'm pretty close to the librarian.

Wow, no wonder Ashton would never want me.

I leave the sanctuary of the bathroom and head to the cafeteria. Breathing deeply in through my nose and out through my mouth, I push on the doors and walk in. Walking through the cafeteria, I try to ignore the looks everybody gives me. It's really hard though, when most of the student body turns to look at the girl that practically the whole school makes fun of.

Once I'm in the lunch line, I keep my head down and stare at the dirty black and white tiles that the whole school is covered in.

They really should change them to something better.

Grabbing a water, and a sandwhich that I'm probably not going to finish, I head to the library. Which means I have to walk by Ashton's table. I do it everyday, so why I am I feeling like I'm about to throw up? "Probably because this time you actually care what he thinks of you." Is what my little voice tells me.

I try to quickly walk by them without making it look like I'm running a 100 meter dash. When I'm within 3 feet of their table, I hear Jacob call out, "Hey Elizabeth, come here for a second." "Don't turn around. You better not turn around. You're an idiot if you turn around." The voice warns me. I should just listen to that voice like I always do. It's right about everything else, why wouldn't it be right about this? If I turn around it's going to be a huge mistake, and that voice is just trying to protect me, right?

But you know what? I'm tired of listening to it. I'm tired of being a slave to my own mind. So, I do what I want. "What." I say through my teeth, turning around to face them. This is going to a huge mistake, but in the words of Hannah Montana; "Everybody makes mistakes."