Zero

Epilogue

~Ashton's Point of View~

"Do you want to go to Hooters with us dude?" Chris, my roommate, asks me. "No, not today. I'm just going to hang around campus today." I respond, lying on my bed. "Your lost." He tells me before closing the door. I've been going to college for almost a year now, and it still seems surreal. I'm so used to Dad stumbling up the stairs at night, and flinching every time the door opens.

The reason I didn't want to go to Hooters with guys, is today marks the one-year anniversary of her death. I can still remember the feeling of my stomach in my throat. The way the earth seemed to stop spinning for a couple of minutes. I didn't want to go to the funeral at first. I didn't think I could handle it. But Thalia told me that I should go, since Elizabeth and I had started back up a somewhat friendship. Maybe it was more of an acquaintance than a friendship.

They buried her in a pale blue dress that went to her knees. I honestly didn't think it was her when I first saw her at the wake. This girl was too thin. You could see every bone in her body. Her joints almost seemed bigger than her waist. I couldn't believe the girl who was so feisty and who seemed so full of life, was slowly killing herself.

My plan was to leave home the day after graduation, but since I stayed for the funeral I left a week later. I haven't seen my father in a year, but he calls everyday. He tells me he's trying to quit alcohol, and that he's seeing someone about his anger issues. I guess it's better late than never for him to start being a better father.

I haven't talked to anyone from high school. Not Jacob, or Jessica, not even Thalia. Vanessa told me at the funeral that she is going to put off going to college to help her mom cope with Elizabeth's death. Her dad seemed a little secluded; he didn't really talk to anyone at the funeral.

Rolling out of my bed, I grab the DVD Thalia gave me and put it in my laptop. Taking a deep breath I hit play. The first thing I see is Thalia sitting on her bed in a Hello Kitty pajama set. I let out a little laugh, until I see how thin she is. I'm an idiot for not noticing. But she always wore that hoodie.

"Hey Ashton." She says smiling and waving at the camera. "Hopefully by the time you are watching this, I'm some big name model in New York by now." She says laughing softly. I feel a piece of my heart break. I pause the DVD, not sure if I can continue. Taking another deep breath I unpause it. "So, you know the project we have to do is to make a video about someone we admire. Well don't get too big of a head that I chose you. There aren't a lot of people that seemed admirable at our school, and there isn't really anyone admirable at my home. The reason I chose you, is because you stood up for me." She pauses before letting a huge smile take over her face. "And because you punched Jacob in the face. That was pretty awesome." She laughs. That day seems so long ago now. "I don't know if Jacob told you what he said, but it wasn't very nice." She shrugs her shoulders and starts playing with her bedspread. "I'm pretty use to people being rude to me but it was about you and for some reason I just couldn't let another person be rude to you. Also, another reason I choose you is because yeah you had your douchebag moments, but over all you're a pretty nice guy. Scratch that; you were the nicest guy at out school. You seemed to be the only guy at our school who would talk to me with out saying moo first. The reason you seem admirable, is because you stood up to your friends. You punched Jacob in the face, the dude who you seemed to be glued to the hip to, just because he was about to hit me. By the way, I so could have taken him." She says laughing. She looks up at the ceiling for a couple of minutes. "I think that's it." She tells me, before looking back at the camera. "I really hope you have a happy life Ashton. Because at least one of us deserves to be fully happy." She finishes, before waving goodbye at the camera and turning it off.

I sit in my computer chair, thinking. I begin taking off my bracelets and look at the faded scars on my wrist. I've been one year "sober" you could say. When Elizabeth died, the first thing I wanted to do was cut. But I realized, there was no point. Cutting wouldn't bring Elizabeth back. So I threw away all my razors when I was packing. Trust me, it wasn't easy. At all. There are still days when I'm tempted to cut. But I don't. Because I realized that even though Elizabeth's life may have ended, I still have mine to live.