Dear Dad... (Harry Styles)

Chapter 1-11 Years Old

July 26th.

Dear Dad,

Mommy still has nightmares. She wakes me up sometimes screaming. I don't like to see her in so much pain, Dad. She still hasn't taken off any of your notes that you made her on her mirror. I think it's silly. It's taking up half of her mirror and she can barely see herself. She said it's because it reminds her of how wonderful you used to be.

How are you? Have you met up with Cesar? I bet she has given you her slobbery ball, hey? She loved that thing. I finished that book that you told me to read. I don't think I understand it, though. Why is it called "To Kill a Mocking Bird" when they don't even kill one? I guess it's symbolism? Is that what you call it? Or is it a metaphor? I don't know. I'm not doing very good in English. Or school, for that matter. I got a D in geography. Mom wants to get me a tutor, but I don't want one. It makes me feel so stupid. I bet if you were here, I wouldn't be getting a tutor. You would help me.

Mom and Grandpa are making me see this lady that I have to call 'Miss Lambert'. She's making me talk about you, and my problems. The only problems I have is that I can't decide what to where to Uncle Liam's lunch. I'm thinking of that white dress you love so much. I remember, you said that I looked like a princess in it. Anyway, Miss Lambert gets angry at me if I have nothing to talk about. She suggested drawing you a picture, but I'm not very good at drawing, and I already write you letters. I didn't tell her that, though.

Aunty Perrie and Uncle Zayn don't like talking about you. Niall brought you up when we were having lunch with the rest of them. Perrie really doesn't like discussing you. She thinks it brings up negative vibes and makes Mom sad. Why do you get sad? I know you're not here anymore, but really shouldn't we be happy that you were here? I want to dance to all your songs and sing them with Mom but she doesn't like listening to them. Uncle Niall does though. He lets me listen to What Makes You Beautiful when he takes me to dance practice.

I still do dance, Dad. Niall takes me because Mom doesn't like too. I think everything you used to do reminds her of you. That's sad. Niall takes me and lets me stay after class to watch the older girls dance. It's beautiful. I want to do that someday. I want to dance and have the most perfect ballet moves ever. I know you would have wanted me too. I haven't seen Louis in a while. He took your death really badly.

Daddy, Louis started drinking. I read people only drink to drown out stuff they don't want to remember. I think he doesn't want to remember that you're gone. I don't either. None of us do. I heard Liam talking with Mommy that Louis is "self-harming". I heard it somewhere before. Isn't it where someone intentionally hurts themselves? Daddy, I don't want him to do that anymore.

Mom came in and gave me a hug. She asked what I was doing and I told her I was talking to you. I made her cry. I didn't mean too. I thought she would be happy that I'm talking to you. She keeps saying 'why'. I think she's asking you. Why won't you answer her, Dad ?

I have to go, I'll speak to you soon.

Love Always,

Darcy Styles.