Lana is My Mother

eight

my mom.

is gone.

it took me some time to realize that i'll never see my mom again. i'll never feel her soft hands and hear her angelic voice. it hurt me a lot. i have no family and no life. i see my mother in fleur's eyes and feel my mother heart in fleur's soul. i deserved it all. i'm not supposed to be alive. i'm a living mistake. just because i'm highly intelligent and my moms famous doesn't mean anything. i looked around my room and noticed fleur was gone. i wanted to be left alone for a little while. i wanted to try and remember every memory i've ever had with my mom.

going to disney.

spending summer with her.

family gatherings.

everything we ever did.

the good. the bad.

she's gone and i'm here.

he's gone and i'm here.

i'm here and i should be gone.

gone because i was a big mistake. i'm not supposed to be alive and i hate myself. i could of prevented all of this and my house shouldn't be evacuated off and being cleaned out and being put up for sale in 2 weeks. i'm going to have to see some family that i haven't seen since i was 6 when my dad passed away, now it's happening all over again. but with the person who raised me and who i always talked to. now, she's gone. all gone. no longer here on this earth. i shouldn't be here on this earth either. my family isn't, why should i be? it's my turn to go.

i promised mommy i would never end up like daddy but i have to. i noticed tears all done my face and my body was rapidly shaking.

i needed to make a decision.

live or die.

i needed the easiest and fastest descision. and being alive is not easy right now and and the funeral cannot come fast enough.

3 days from today. these next three days will be the longest day of my life.

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