The Secret Within

Day 18 - Something You Always Think Of

Every night, I spend my time thinking what if I never exist in this world, will be people be living a better life? What if I live in a place where people have never lived before, will people miss me? What if I finally found the one, will I be happy with him? What if I reveal my true self, will people dare to look? What if I finally take off my mask, will people leave me?

Those are the questions I randomly think during midnights. Those questions really make me feel really bad all the time and I can't do anything about them. I could either cry them to sleep or let them explode in my head.

Sometimes I don't even know myself anymore. I can't think of any solutions to solve what I've been going through. These questions are stuck in my head and they never wanna let go, no matter how hard I tried. It seems like they never wanna leave my head at all, no matter what happen.

I often ask myself, "How many hours till happy hours?", "How many smiles should I fake?", "How many tears should I shed every night?", "How many things should I sacrifice?".

I really wish to be happy, even just once. I really want to feel how real happiness really feels like.

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Sorry about those deep thoughts. I told you guys before that my head inside are filled with dark.

Anyway, what are your thoughts?

Advice from writer: Never let deep and negative thoughts consume your head. I've been through them and I don't want you guys to go through the same journey I went till this day. Chin up, be happy and cherish every moment.