Spoken Word

My Longest Relationship

Friday, May 18th, 2018

My longest relationship is 8 years.  It was to this girl with long chocolate-colored locks that flowed in the wind and were always a mess. They reminded me of the muddy farm field we used to play in watching the stars and pointing out constellations when both of us were too energized to sleep so we'd spend the night with each other watching the universe drift by. My longest relationship was to the girl with the dull blue-grey eyes that were so deep I'd get lost in them. They reminded me of the sky right before it was about to rain and we'd spend the day by the window watching the raindrops race down the glass reading our favorite book of the week with a mug of hot cocoa. My longest relationship was to the girl with the pale pink lips so plump and full they looked like an almost ripe strawberry. They reminded me of the rose she got me on our anniversary that I still have to this day even though it's dead and wilted.  My longest relationship was to the girl with skin as white as paper and even though it was covered in blemishes and scars she always looked beautiful to me. It reminded me of the cool white tiles on my bathroom floor where we spent many nights taking care of each of each because one of us was sick. We got together in 2011 when she saw me being bullied and sat with me while I cried.  From that day on she has been my oldest companion someone who is always with me and has never left my side. No matter what I do or say, no matter how many times I tell her to leave me alone or to go away or how she deserves better... she always stayed. And then I took a step back from the mirror and saw that the girl was me and I was the girl and that my longest relationship was with my depression. She had long chocolate-colored locks just like me the same color as the muddy farm field I played in but as I got older just layed in watching the stars when my depression would keep me awake with thoughts of what-ifs and you're not good enough's. Her eyes blue-grey just like mine the same color of the rainy sky I used to watch curled up with a book and hot cocoa when I just wanted to escape the world that seemed to hate me so much. Her lips as pink and plump and full as the rose I got when I finally gave into her temptations to end my life and failed. Her skin as white and blemished as the paper I wrote my final goodbyes on stained with tears of a 12-year-old girl who really didn't want to die but didn't know what else to do. We met in 2011 when  I was being bullied and I sat in a corner the rest of recess crying. She became my constant companion always lurking about in the shadows and no matter what I said or did she was always right there to tell me how I wasn't good enough or that no one loved me or no one would miss me. No matter how many times I told myself that I deserved better that I was loved that I would be missed neither of us listened. My longest relationship was with a girl named depression. 8 years and we're still going strong.