Spoken Word

Thoughts of a Broken Girl

Saturday, October 13th, 2018

Being broken sucks because my brain will turn the most innocent of comments into an insult to continuously attack me with when my guard is down. My friend asked me if I made Honor Roll I told them no I hadn't for the rest of the day there was this voice telling me how stupid I am because I must be if I didn't make Honor Roll. Being broken sucks because I cling to any insult I get more than any compliment anyone could ever give. I'm sure I've been told I was pretty or beautiful many times over the years but I can't remember them. I do however remember the time a boy in my class called me fat 11 years ago and every other time I've been called fat or ugly. I remember decorating cookies at work and I messed one up and my boss said "I don't understand why you can just copy the design it's so simple"  which really isn't that bad but all I heard was "wow Alli you're so useless you can't even copy a fucking cookie design." Being broken sucks because no matter how hard I work, or how smart I get, or how pretty I become I will never be good enough for myself because all I'll see all I ever see is the same stupid, ugly, broken, useless, fat girl my brain has tricked me to believe I am. Now I'm not writing this to get pity or for you to sympathize with me but I just felt like I needed to get this off my chest.