Spoken Word

First Choice

Monday, January 7th, 2019

I am nobody's first choice.

I am not the first person my friends call when they want to hang out

I am not the first person to hear that so and so just broke up

I clearly wasn't my boyfriends first choice.

I am not the first person you call when you need advice

Nor am I the first to know when plans have been cancelled

I sure as hell wasn't anybody's first choice in gym class.

I am nobody's first choice. I doubt I'm even somebody's second, third or fourth choice.

I am the backup.

I am the one people call or go to when there is no one else to call

I am the one people go to when they just need one more person and everyone else is busy

When there is nowhere left to go, and no choices left to make they come to me because they are desperate and so am I.

I am desperate to be somebody's first choice.

To be the one that someone wants to see before anyone else

To be the one that people go to when they get any kind of news instead of being the last to know.

To be the one that someone chooses first.

I am tired of being the backup friend

Or the rebound

Or the extra

Or the last case scenario

I am tired of not being good enough for the people in my life.

I am nobody's first choice...

Not even my own.