Serenity

Want

The place where Shaista had been brought up held no dreams nor delusion. There was only reality, everyone lived their life rationally and practically. She had wanted so desperately to live their way of life but she had failed. Their morals and standards were impossible to live up to, only they could do it. Everyone wore and proved their ghayra and she had yet to discover what it was. If she had ghayra she would not speak to strange men, if she had ghayra she would not be pleased with the shameless way he looked at her. But she had none, not even an atom of ghayra. Sardaar Zaraar in all his harshness had been right, the outsider could never be a Pukhtun.

Shaista was hungry, starving for affection and attention. Both the things Sakina seemingly had.

'My brother hates you'
She confessed to Batuhan'

He shrugged it away, although deep inside he felt the feeling was mutual

'I asked Sakina to speak with him about our marriage and he was furious'

He leaned forward curious
'Sakina?'

Shaista's expression was full of hate
'Zalmai's bride'

So that was her name. Sakina. Beautiful just like her.
Now she had his attention
'He was angry at Sakina?'

'Yes, they had a fight, that is one good thing that happened today'

'Do they fight often?'

'Oh no they don't fight at all, Zalmai has lost his mind over her'

'Why? She must be very beautiful'

Shaista looked upset, he noticed 'of course her beauty could never compare to yours' that made her smile

'What are we going to do about this marriage?'

'We shall elope'

The idea caused great excitement to her and filled her head with delusions
'Right now?' She asked breathlessly

'No, but soon when the time is right'

*****

'Mother have you seen Sakina?'

She looked up from her embroidery
'She is cooking'

'Cooking?'

Sakina never cooked

His mother sighed 'that girl is unpredictable, you never know what she will do next'

He walked in the direction of the kitchen and stopped just outside the door.

'And I certainly did not want you'

The confession had shocked him, it hurt to think she did not want him when he had very much wanted to marry her. Why had she married him then? She wasn't forced he was sure of it.

She poured the rice from the large pot, the mouth watering aroma rose into the air. She settled on the stone floor and took a small morsel. It was a strange sight seeing the girl do something so quietly and without the usual drama.

He stepped in and stood awkwardly at the entrance. She stood and served the rice in a large platter before pushing it towards him. The whole time her face was blank and cold. He could not taste the food because of the weight on his chest. He cleared his throat but she held up a hand

'Don't waste your breath Jalazai, your words don't mean anything to me'

'Why did you marry me?'

'To thank my uncle for everything he had done for me. I didn't want to marry you and I regret it doing so. I don't have even a sliver of space in my heart for you'

She stepped past him and left. He pushed away the meal, his appetite gone. His heart ached,he felt empty and hopeless.