Shorter Than Me (Continued)

31.2 Levi

I lie in bed for the longest time. My eyes decide they won't let me close them. Somehow, my thoughts turn to Petr. I find myself missing him. His tiny innocence, his attitude, his voice, the way he calls me "daddy." I wish I could spend more time with him and actually be the father he needs, but Petra and I didn't really expect to raise a child. We were dedicated to the Scouting Legion. It's actually probably illegal that we had a child while in the military, but Commander Erwin is the only one who knows besides Genta. They won't tell anyone. Petra is dead anyway. If anyone found out, Genta would just legally adopt Petr, and maybe I'd be fined or something. It's not like I don't have money. When the government pays for basically everything I need--this headquarters, food, a place to sleep--I don't end up using any of the money I'm payed for my service. A lot of it goes to Genta because of Petr, but the rest just sits in a bank as a number. I don't even know how much money I have. It doesn't matter. I don't really care about money. I used to before I was in the military. But that changed. Everything changed.

***

Petra looked at me cautiously. She knew asking me about my past could result in ruining our conversation for the rest of the night, which is when we usually talked.

"I lived in the Underground. I stole for a living."

"Oh." She looked surprised, then a little scared. I didn't blame her. "Have you ever killed someone?"

"Yes."

"Oh." I don't think she noticed, but she moved at least six inches away from me.

"I didn't murder though. It was just self-defense. I didn't kill people just to steal their things. Mostly it was stealing from the government."

"Oh."

"Is that all you can say?" I wanted to know what she thought. I needed to know what she thought.

"Um... I don't know." She wouldn't look me in the eyes, but she didn't seem as repulsed by me as I expected, just surprised. "You don't do that anymore, right?"

"Of course not. I work for the government now."

"Alright. Well as long as you're not a criminal anymore." She looked back into my eyes.

"Does it scare you?"

"No." She tried to hide it from me, but it was pretty obvious it scared her at least somewhat.

"You're scared of me." I wasn't hurt or anything by that fact. I expected it. "Don't I seem like the kind of man who could kill someone?"

"You do, actually, I just didn't... think about it."

"That's normal."

"How many people?"

"Three."

She took a deep breath. "And they were all self-defense?"

"Yes. They thought the short guy would be an easy target, and they were wrong."

"Do you regret killing them?"

"I wouldn't have killed them if there was any other choice."

"But do you regret it?"

"I regret they died. I regret the fact that I had to kill them. I don't regret killing them. Does that make sense?"

"Yes." She stared at her hands in her lap.

"Are you still scared?"

"A little." She paused for a second. "But it's also kind of attractive."

I gave her a weird look for a second, which made her give me an embarrassed expression. I shrugged. "Whatever."

She rolled her eyes and casually closed the distance between us again.

Here is another short part. Whoops I guess I forgot how to write. Oh well.

I also forgot how to update. Oops.