An Impossible Love Story(on hold and editing)

Screw This Shit!

song for this chapter- no tears by James Blunt

Recap

Dear readers, I have not had much experience with feelings…attachment and emotional connections. Physical yes plenty. As I hit my teens I decided to a bit wacky thus there was Mike but I didn’t have conversations with him or do couples things. I am changing. I can feel it. And deep within my heart I know the reason. I want to be better for someone. Help them and be the purpose of someone else’s life.is it possible that I am falling for him. I am falling fast and I hope he can catch me. As strange as that sounds or is just a passing infatuation?

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I was severely pissed off and confused. I am kinda upset but its masked with the stronger emotions. I don’t know what to think anymore. It doesn’t help that Damon has decided to fill in the tiny whiney space that was left alone.

I decide to ditch school and go for a run. With music blasting in my ears I ran aimlessly.it cleared my head, I needed that.

Nobody believed me then why start now. I wasn’t the only survivor and I keep trying to tell someone who will actually listen. Screw this life. I am gonna eat my problems off and then head home. Not like anyone apart from Jamie cared anyway. I had grown stronger over the years, eventually shutting out so much to the point I lost everyone I had…I e acquaintances and soon enough I was a crazy angry sociopath bitch who everyone needed to keep away as if I had some sort of contagious diseases.

I hurt for a while but then life had never been easy therefore for me it was another of fates twisted idea. I am glad I still had Luke to cover for me. Which reminds me…shit! I fished out my phone and send a quick text that I was fine and needed alone thinking time. He would understand. He always does. I don’t know till this day how he was still in my life but I am eternally grateful for it.

I gave Mille a tight hug before I left. She was so damn comforting. However I don’t think no one would ever fill the hole left in me by my lack of parents even though I had such great people in my life. I needed to move on. But how. How am I supposed to not be angry at the heavens above who is the reason to my entire life being a mess? I didn’t have a distraction anymore nor someone to share memories with in times like this. Guess where this idiot of a friend was…u r right! In the hospital.

Leading me onto…Damon…there was something unforgettable about him. I don’t know what it was. His crooked smile, his perfect chiselled body, his strong hands, his warm neck or his emerald green eyes that spoke volumes and held a world full of secrets. His personality was the best I think. He was not the nerd I mistook him for and with a sudden realisation I realised that he was shy and awkward for a reason.

I shuddered at the thought and immediately scoffed at myself for thinking that shy boy aka Damon was dangerous for a minute. Then I thought back…I had a reason didn’t i…he was the reason Mike was in the hospital now. I sighed as I slowed down into a steady jog. So much for clearing my head. Why did I suddenly have things like boys to worry about? I would have accepted it as a teenage thing but then also the whole family thing was glaring in my head at me. Urrggg. Dear reader, trust me I am not that bad but I am strong and used to dealing with shit. It doesn’t make it better and each time sucks but I refuse to be a complete girl and cry over the utter mess that’s going through my head though.

Now you r gonna say I am overreacting but it’s not an easy subject….my parents that is…plus the new unfamiliar feelings of attraction doesn’t help. Worse I don’t have anyone to share with. Luke will make a big deal of me having a crush or be overly concerned at how I feel about mother’s case. I appreciate it a lot but I don’t need that now. Plus it doesn’t help that I was still traumatised over events with mike and I haven’t told Luke anything.

I just wanted a hug. Comfort of a mother or at least what I imagine would be. I walked into the house and crashed into Jamie with all my force. He probably understood thus hugged me back like he was never gonna let me go and I loved him for it with every cell in my body right then.

Hey guys, please don’t mention that’s its repetitive or useless cause it’s important to hear her thoughts about everything. It’s her rant so yes it can be repetitive. Remember she had a revisit of her past and this shows how much it affects her so it’s important.

Thank you to all my readers who continue to encourage me to write by voting and commenting, suggestions for songs are still open...just comment. I have lots to do yet I still write so for the ghost readers this is for you, if you want know what happens next then I need at least 5 votes to update by next week!*evil grin*

Love you all. Till next time…

Xoxo-