The Bad Boys Saw Me Naked. Again

(16)

The flashbacks will become common from now on, it's necessary and important. It's relevant. 

If you're not comfortable don't read it please.

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"Why didn't they help us Mommy?" I ask, as she tucks me into bed. She holds back a sob, flinching because of the black eye. I called the police but they didn't take him away. They didn't do anything.

"Everything's going to be ok baby." She says, stroking my hair. "You know why?" I frown, not sure how anything could be ok.

"Why?"

"Your tree is magic." She whispers. I look out my window, at my favourite oak tree. I climb it all the time.

"Really?" I question.

"It has special powers." She continues. "When you climb your tree, nothing can hurt you."

"You can climb it with me."  I say happily. 

"It's not my tree sweetheart." She explains sadly. "It's yours. It only works for you."

"Wendy, get down here!" We hear from downstairs.

"Goodnight baby." She says, standing up, turning on my nightlight. "You know what to do if you hear someone coming up the stairs?"

"Climb my tree." I whisper.

"Good girl." She smiles. "I love you. Forever and ever."

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I throw another rock at the water, cursing at it. Why can't I ever learn to skip rocks? They just sink. 

I see the lights turn on in the house, as it gets darker. I don't want to go back yet, too many people who feel sorry for me. I just want to be angry. 

This is incredibly ironic.

All of these years, after I had come to terms that legal action could never be taken. I had made peace with it. They were out of my life. I was safe. And happy. 

And now we turn to the law for help, convinced that this time would be different. This time they would help us, believe us, protect us. 

And once again we get screwed by the system.

This is America. Ha. The irony.

I would like to think that I'm a different person. A different person to who I was as a child. That I have more confidence. More self worth. More importance. 

But incidents like this remind me that deep down, I will always be that scared little girl who gets pushed around. The girl who got harassed in elementary for always coming to school with bruises and second hand clothes. 

I will always belong to the lower class of society, who people ignore just because they can. I can dress myself up however I like, but when you strip everything back, what am I really?

Nothing.

"You look like shit." 

What was that about irony?

I look up, to see Jesse, walking down the path.

"I've looked better." I agree, shrugging. 

"I've gotten the idea that today didn't go to plan." He muses, sitting down next to me on the riverbank. 

"That would be the correct assumption." I mumble, throwing another rock. "Is everyone at the house?" 

"Most of us." He says, skipping a rock across the water perfectly. "Alex called to tell us he's staying with a friend in town, and Wendy and Derek are asleep. We put them in the guest bedroom. You can sleep in in my room, and I'll take Alex's if you want."

"Thanks." I smile slightly. 

"Your Mum loves the shit out of you." He grins. "You're all she talks about. And Derek is like, crazy proud. He calls you the Harvard prodigy." 

"That's really not me." I shrug. 

"You sure?" He asks. "He's describing a pretty amazing girl." 

"I'm really not." I sigh. "Can people stop trying to pretend I am?" 

"Sure." He grins, shrugging. "I've been wanting to talk about how annoying you are. Stupid. A little thick." 

"Thanks." I say, trying to hold back a laugh, not wanting to be in a good mood. I want to stay angry.

"For real, though." He continues. "You should take the compliments. They're all real. You're pretty amazing." 

"Can you stop." I say, getting annoyed. "You and everyone else with great, perfect lives, can you all just stop pretending I'm on the same level?"

"I don't know if I would call my life great." He frowns. "A clusterfuck maybe, full of judgement and parents who disown you. Definitely not perfect."

I sigh, laying down. Now I'm the asshole. 

"Sorry." I mutter. 

"Nah." He laughs, lying down next to me. "You're allowed to not be happy once in awhile. Just remember that others can sometimes have enough love for you lean on."

"Is Alex ok?" I ask, hating that I care.

"He's an idiot." He growls. "And an insensitive asshole who has major issues that he needs to deal with. But I guess he's physically ok."

"I don't know where we went wrong." I frown.

"I can't answer that." He shrugs. "But I remember the first time he told me about you."

"He talked to me about you?" I ask surprised, turning my head to face him.

"Yeah, when we were on good terms." He smiles. "It was a long time ago, when you first met. He called me, and ranted, on and on, about how he met this infuriating girl, who had no concern for her own personal safety, always putting herself in danger for others. He cared a lot about someone he apparently hated. I then got another phone call a little while later, about how he punched out her Dad, and I knew that he was in love with you." 

I smile, remembering that day.

"What happened between you two?" I ask, curiosity filling me up.

"I let him down, Harp." He sighs. "I could have tried harder to get the money for Will's medicine, through my side of the family. But I was a coward, and hid. He hasn't forgiven me for that, and I don't blame him at all."

I nod, finally understanding. 

"I love him." I needed to say it out loud, making it real. To remind myself that even through the hate and anger, I still love the bastard. 

"He loves you too." He says. "I just know it."