The Bad Boys Saw Me Naked. Again

(23)

I watch silently from the end of my bed, as my Father counts the cash in his hand, before shaking hands with the stranger.

"You have 20 minutes." He says gruffly, before leaving the stranger alone with me in my bedroom.

"I'm not going to hurt you." The stranger assures me, as he begins to take off his shoes and coat. 

I curl up into a ball, looking wistfully out my window, out to my tree, wishing I could climb it. Why is Dad doing this?

<><><><>

I force myself to wake up, exiting the dream and memory that I have pushed down all these years, before I get to deep into it. It's beginning to surface fast, and I'm not sure how much longer I can keep it hidden.

I realise I'm back in my bed, it's nearly one pm, and it's still raining hard outside. I slip out, manage to make myself sit down in front of the mirror.

You are ok. Stop freaking out. You are in control. 

I brush my hair, and change into some clean clothes. I can't act like a nutcase in front of the boys. 

Pull yourself together. 

A knock on the door appears, and Cole pops his head in.

"You're awake." He smiles, walking in. "I've been checking in on you."

"You should be at school." I frown.

"Everything has been cancelled because of the storm." He explains. "Officially classified high risk."

"Oh." I say. "Ok."

"How are you feeling?" He asks.

"I'm ok." I reply, assuring him. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to scare anyone."

"Don't apologise." He cuts me off. "Those assholes have no right to be making you feel this way." 

"It's just..." I try to find the words explain myself. "A lot of memories are reappearing... that I've managed to keep hidden. For a really long time."

"I understand." He says seriously. "And they are going to pay. You're still stronger than them. No matter what they say to you."

Another knock on the door appears, and Will sticks his little face inside.

"Harper?" He questions.

"Hey hun." I greet him, standing up. "Day off school huh?"

"Yup." He smiles. "Everyone is downstairs. I wanted to wake you up but no one would let me."

"Well I'm up now." I smile back.  "How's the house?" 

We make our way downstairs, and the boys have congregated either at the dining room table doing school work, or in the living room playing games.

"Why is Zane cooking?" I ask slightly frightened. 

"I told you, no one let me wake you up." Will sighs sadly.

"Hey, Zane." I say casually. "Hand over the spatula."

"Thank God." He sighs, joining the guys in the living room. 

I see he's created some type of meat and vegetable stir fry, and it's definitely saveable. I start to add stuff and stir, while listening to the boys chat and argue. I can't decide what mood I like better. A full house, or a peaceful house.

"How are you feeling?" Alex joins me in the kitchen, taking over the chopping. 

"I'm fine." I lie smoothly. I look over to Alex who's looking at me like I'm dumb, and I realise who I'm talking to. Alex could catch me lying from a mile away.

"I don't know." I shrug. "I feel like I can't control much of it anymore."  Alex continues to chop carrots, and I continue. "What's the damage?"

"Nothing that can't be fixed." He assures. "Our cars have insurance. The broken mail box and porch just gives Cole an excuse to Pinterest new renovation ideas." 

I nod, knowing it's true. These boys couldn't care less about material possessions as long as their family members are sage.

"You're the person that knows the most about me." I sigh. "Not even my Mother knows the things that you know."

"You've come a really long way." He murmurs. 

"You..." I struggle to word what I think I want to tell him. What I've never told anyone. "There are some things I never even told you."

"I know." He nods simply. I frown, and he continues. "I always knew there was something in your past that you hadn't told me. You would dream about it, and it would be different to the usual stuff."

"Why didn't you ask me?" I ask confused.

"I kind of understood that maybe..." He thinks. "You hadn't even admitted it to yourself. I knew that one day, when it resurfaced, and you let yourself remember it again properly... you would be ready to talk about it."

I put the spatula down, staring at Alex amazed.

"Sometimes I forget how well you know me." I smile slightly.

"I consider you my best friend, Harp." He smiles back, picking up the spatula for me. "I love you and always will. I made a lot of really stupid and jackass mistakes. But I want you to know that I'm not going anywhere anymore. I'm here to be your man, who's grown and respectful. I'm staying, as long as it takes, to prove to you that I am sincerely, and so deeply, in love with you."

I can't find any words, so I simply stand there like a fool, staring at the boy that makes my heart stop no matter how hard I try to not let him affect me. 

Reality comes back to me like the wind, and I realise I'm standing in the kitchen, with the boy who broke my heart, making stir fry.

He may have turned himself around, but it is way to early to let him in. I won't survive if he breaks it again.

"Thankyou." I whisper. "For giving me time."

"I'm here whenever your ready." He finishes, pushing me to the side. "Now let me finish this. You know I know how to cook." 

<><><><>

I feel my whole body go cold, as the strange man rolls off me. I can't move, I can't breathe, I can't do anything but relay what just happened inside my head. 

The stranger gets up, and starts to get dressed. I feel myself roll over, and once again I focus on my tree. 

"Do you like this doll?" I hear him speak, but I don't understand. "My daughter wants one." He continues. "Hmm. Ok. Bye sweetie."

He lets himself out of the room and I let myself cry, just a few tears. 

The door opens again, and Quentin walks in. 

"He's done?" He asks. "Go have a shower, you're a mess." 

I can't make myself move, and Quentin gets angry.

"We aren't making you do this again, be grateful." He spits. "If you ever tell anyone, anyone at all. I'm going to kill you. You hear?"