Living the Dream

Up to You

(Play Poison and Wine by The Civil Wars)

I have been sitting here a while.

Just... Thinking.

Do I know who I am? Am I so perfect that I can be judging someone I barely know?

I only judge him because...

I don't know.

Because drugs are bad?

I mean, there is so much I want to ask, because I know almost nothing.

I want to help him.

---

"Mm" Jc grunted.

"Hey." I said.

"Hi..." He said as he yawned and rubbed his eyes with his fists.

"I'm sorry." I said.

"Why are you sorry? I am the one who put you through this." He said.

"Jc. What do you do?" I asked.

"Huh?" He said.

Ugh.

"What... Drug..." I said cautiously.

"Um... Heroin." He mumbled.

I was speechless. So many questions were running through my mind. I don't understand.

"Is it... Is it dangerous?" I asked.

"Yes." He said.

"How do you do it?" I asked.

"A needle." He said.

"So like a shot?" I asked.

"Yeah." He said again.

"I'm sorry, am I asking too many questions?" I asked.

"No, Daiz. I want you to know as much as possible. I want you to know everything that you would like to know so that you will stay away from it, because... I don't know how. Learn from my mistake. Please. Ask more." He said.

"How often do you do it?" I asked.

"As little as possible." He said.

"Have you ever OD'd?" I asked.

"Thank God no." He said.

"Thank you for telling me." I said.

"About what?" He asked.

"Everything." I said.

He nodded and with that, he laid his head back on my lap and fell asleep.

---

A while has passed again and it is getting dark.

"Jc. Jc get up." I said.

He turned over and stared at me.

We just stayed like that, looking into each other's eyes.

"I am so happy that I know you." He said.

"Why?" I said with a giggle.

"Because you are beautiful and strong and amazing and I want to be a part of your life." He mumbled.

(Play Radioactive by Imagine Dragons)

"I... Oh" I said.

"Will you go on a date with me?" He said.

"I..."

Again. I have no idea what to say.

"I can't." I said, tears streaming down my face.

He sat up.

"I have to go." I said.

I texted Kian.

Me: Kian pick me up at the beach please?

Kiki: omw

Me: thx

"Wait! Daizi please! Hear me out." Said Jc as I stood up.

"No, Jc. You hear me out. Do you want me in your life or not?" I asked.

"Yes." He whispered.

"Do you have any idea what you will be getting yourself into?" I asked.

"No. But I can handle it. Something is telling me that you could..." He stopped.

"I could what, Jc. Don't play games with me right now." I said sternly.

"Something is telling me that you could be the one." He whispered.

"I feel the same, Jc, but if you want this you need to quit. In fact, I may or may not have just realized that I may or may not be in love with you, but if you want this to happen you need to quit. Get help Jc. Please. I want this. I know this is it. But if you want this as much as I do, you better give this everything that you've got. All or nothing, Jc." I said.

BEEP BEEP.

Kian is here.

"Me or heroin, Jc. It's up to you." I said as I walk away.

---

What have I gotten myself into?

---

I know now.

I judge him because I love him.

I know he will quit.

I know he loves me.

It has only been two days and I am already in love with this boy.

I didn't believe in love at first sight, but I do now.

But only because it has happened to me.

He is going to need my help.

But I am scared.

And again I ask myself;

What have I gotten myself into?