The Song of a Dead Girl

A "Simple Thing", A "Common Thing"

I haven't broke in so long.. I've always felt it but I couldn't feel anything.. I always knew it all was there, everything... but I couldn't feel it like I used to.. that made it so much worse.. I tried everything to make it go away but nothing worked.. nothing works.. nothing ever works.. the pain's always there... but I don't break.. I've broke, only once before like this.. usually theres a trigger: My Dad yelling at me usually, that starts it, forces the break.. but only twice have I broke on my own... it's so much worse.. I just started thinking.. and the thoughts spread... but tears wouldn't come so I'd hurt myself until they did... then everything doubles.. then doubles again.. and again.. and again.. and again... and again... and again... and again... till I can't breathe... and I can't stop.. and even once the tears stop.. the pain doesn't... it's always... always there... and I hide it.. I always hide... always hide it... because that makes it easier... easier for everyone else... they can't handle the broken ones.. they try to fix everthing but they can't.. try this, try that, these pills will help, therapy will help... but they can't fix a problem they don't understand.. they classify it "depression" "anxiety" "suicidal" as if it's a simple thing, a common thing but it's not... no one's case is the same as someone elses.. no one has the same thoughts with the same connections in the same way I do... theres no point in showing anyone.. it won't help me.. it won't help them.. people can't handle the broken ones.. so I hide it.. hide it all.. and it builds up but I can handle it... because it's always easier when im alone.. and I'm always alone... until I can't take it.. the hiding.. the numb.. the general lack of any feeling other than dread.. I can't... can't take it... I'm drowning.. in a sea I created... to protect others... to protect me... the exact thing I started.. to keep me safe... is what's destroying me... and there's no way out...