The Shadows Of Lucidum

Down by the river

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There were tears rolling down my cheeks when I woke up. My eyes were itchy and probably even more red than they usually were. I also had a headache, feeling like someone using my temples as a drumset bellicosely. Someone who might even have been more jaded than me. It wasn't exactly the first time I felt like this after merely sleeping. Our herbalists used to say it was a chronic illness, but I knew what caused it. It might have been an illness to some degree, but it sure wasn't anything physical. It was mental. And I feared how emotionless it made me become.

When I decided to finally get up, the sun hadn't risen yet. It already was a little warmer than the last evening, but still cold  enough to make me feel frozen. I didn't like the cold at all. It wasn't as bad as the feeling of constantly being watched, but it definitely was high up on the list of feelings I detested. As I realized I slowly started to get back my memories, I decided to take at least a few more hours just for myself and then go back. But I didn't want to simply sit around and try to kill time, so I went outside the cave again.

"Well...what should I do now?", I asked myself, not realizing I said it out loud. Where even was I? I couldn't remember ever having seen this cave. I'd been outside the village almost daily, but I usually either went to our same old spot with Lupea, or only where I knew there'd be a good place for hunting or spying on the other villages. Every now and then I also accompanied parties, which searched for a new field to grow crops at or herbs for our medicine and food.

As I couldn't use my eyes, I listened for what the forest told me. I could hear the leaves whispering and the birds humming their songs. In the distance I could hear the swish of water. There only was a single river close to Lucidum, the village I lived in. It was the river Lupea had taken me to when I ate those berries. I hadn't swum in ages and I actually had time for once... The lust was too strong for me to ignore it. Thus, it seemed like I was about to commit another sin.

The river was as crystal clear as it always had been. The hints of blue and green made it look almost spurious. I remembered coming here regularly when I was a child. How was my life this easy back then? Nowadays I couldn't even spare a single minute in order to just unwind and do nothing, let alone go swimming.

I knew the spots noone dared go to. Partly because I might have told them they were dangerous due to being animals' hunting grounds or silly things like that, so I at least had a slight chance of escaping the people, who relied on me so much all the time. My dress wasn't meant for swimming and I didn't want to catch a cold by wearing wet clothes. Hence, I took it off and placed it somewhere I could find it again. The first bodypart touching the water was my foot. I was a little surprised, for I had totally forgotten how warm the river's water was, so I decided to not swim, but rather simply enjoy the warmth of the water. It felt cozy and helped me shut off the thoughts haunting me. Time seemed to have frozen and for once I didn't feel the pressure lying on my shoulders.

After some time, my eyes began to feel a little heavy. It wasn't urgent for me to return to Lucidum. They surely would have been able to manage things for a single day. I could say I was out hunting all day long if decided to actually go hunting, once I felt like I had had enough time. My eyes closed and, thank the gods, I didn't dream of anything. There were no bloody hands reaching out for me, decaptivated bodies lying next to me, children crying for their mothers and noone blaming me for anything of it.

But my sleep didn't last long. Life's never been a fairytale and I never was a princess, who was allowed to sleep for a hundred years, well, not even for an hour. There was nothing I wouldn't have given for a life at least a little more easy. Even a plebeian life was more worth living than mine.

What woke me up was the sound of human footsteps, searching their way through the grass...

Right towards where I was.

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