The Shadows Of Lucidum

Prologue

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Darkness.

Silence.

Like being stuck in a void. Stuck in nothingness.

I was left alone, banished and forced to atone for my sins. Probably even forgotten by the ones who once meant something to me. Although I never even once intended to commit anything. Everything got pushed on me, overwhelming, breaking me.

Why did they expect me to be able to keep going under such pressure? "Thou art responsible for thy faults. Thou hast to atone for thy sins thyself." That was, what I've always been told. But what if the sins you committed weren't for your sake, but for someone else's? What if you only committed them to save your friends, your family. Is there anything that would allow you to break the rules? Anything at all? What about the bad guys in stories? Do they have the right to break them? No, they get punished for it. What about the good guys, who break the rules, well, even commit major sins? It's just gonna get brushed off, ignored, forgotten. It's similar to the real world, where fiction is but a way to ease your mind, a way to escape for a small amount of time. Some people's doing is OK, but some other's isn't. So what is it? Where's the difference? Noone will ever be likely to know.

So why is it me atoning for my sins now? Not the ones, I was trying to protect my loved ones from? How did I even end up here? What made me fall into this pit of despair? Who pushed me over the steep cliff that lead here?

I couldn't remember. Remember anything but faces staring, words attacking and behaviours changing. Who even was I? Did I deserve this void, which slowly began to eat me up from inside?

Did I deserve to be forgotten?

These questions kept eating me up from inside. They made me wonder if all I ever did was for naught. It felt like I was going insane, going bonkers.
The things I had experienced, might have matured me, for I still was a child, but the scars
I bare, would be there for the rest of my life. Scars that were both physical and psychological. There was blood on my hands and I couldn't forget the faces of the people it once belonged to. Their faces and slowly fading screams had been haunting me for years now.

When was the last time I had properly slept? It must have been quite a while, now that I was thinking about it.

I couldn't just keep sitting around in this place we called the void. There had to be a way out of here. Somewhere, somehow. But drowning myself in self hate wouldn't help find it.

I decided to let my memories get the better of me and take me back to where it all began. There had to be something useful.

I couldn't just let it end like this.

Not after all I had done.

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Author's note: This story's link to my profile is broken... If you want to check out my profile and my other stories, my new username is saskia_art