Boys of fortune

Three

He turned around, never to be seen or heard of after that. Heiji didn't and none of his friend have even just heard of Shinichi after that, except from Kaito who had almost zero information about him as well. He didn't keep in contact with anyone, at least not anyone who they knew or had a way of contacting - had a way of knowing that they exist at all or that they had once existed. His location was unknown, making the pool of where he was much closer and tremendously harder to figure out. And how would they even know where to search? Where even to begin with searching?

But the problem was that Shinichi didn't want to be found. If he wanted to, he would have left clues that made him possible to found, despite how hard it would be. Shinichi left nothing for him.

And the years later, he was sure that Shinichi won't come out willingly; he wasn't willing to contact anyone he knew except Kaito for more than ten years, he won't do it in the next ten years either. Shinichi didn't want him. He didn't want to be with him. And that was that hurt the most. It hurt that he still loved him the same as he did back in the day. That he would forgive him in a heartbeat.

That day, 10 years ago, Heiji lost his husband.

In the ten years that went by, Heiji did date. He dated a foreign actor, a fellow football player, an artist, a singer and some people he went on just a couple of dates on, was in nothing serious and one night stands here and there. But, all of it felt like he was cheating on his husband, although Shinichi has long left the past and their marriage behind. Shinichi had no claim over his body or could tell him what to do, and Heiji knew that Shinichi wouldn't - he wasn't interested in his body or him anymore -, but the guilt was still there, despite how unreasonable.

He wanted to forget how it felt loving Shinichi, how it felt when Shinichi loved him back, but couldn't. So he resigned himself to that feeling of despair. And the despair lasted, and lasted and never ended.

Visits to his therapist helped, everyone who saw him after Shinichi left for good knew that, and every feeling he had to or related to Shinichi dulled a lot, but it never disappeared.

So, yeah, in short, Heiji was fucked and not in the good way either.

A problem was as to how Shinichi left. The fight they had beforehand, that Heiji was the one to say that he never wanted to see him again in a fit of anger and Shinichi just did leave. He was only fulfilling the wish he had when he was angry over a certain case, and then as the fight progressed they brought personal matters into it, their relationship and… and it didn't end well.

It only he could know what Shinichi was up to now. Was he happy? Did he regret going away? Is his choice to leave him the best he ever made?