Boys of fortune

Ten

Another day, another relationship coming to an end.

It was mostly secret that Shinichi Kudou was a serial dater, as he still liked to keep his private life private, but that didn't mean any less he wasn't a huge player. Just in the last year alone, he was with 6 guys together and plenty of other dates, one night stands and failed romances even before they started.

And that was only the beginning, the year before that wasn't much better. Sure, the quantity of people was astronomically smaller that last year, but he also still had his feelings more hurt. So, there was that. After a certain time, feelings start to numb. Kind of. To a certain point, at least.

But, a problem was that after failure and failure, he wasn't sure if he should even bother trying anymore. He wasn't sure for the long term, but currently all he needed was a break. Maybe. He didn't even know what he wanted. His last breakup was not even a full two hours ago. What the fuck should he be thinking about? His feelings were all over the place.

Not even he, the Great Detective of the East, had a clue what he felt and how he should act? Everything was just so fresh. The time didn't heal any wounds, they were just freshly cut open!!! It was a long time coming, and he knew it - their dating had an expiration date, but it still hurt.

He didn't know why. He could make some educated guesses, logical ones, but something wasn't all quite right. It wasn't logical what mattered now, as relationship matters were very much illogical and emotions as a whole.

One was sure, he didn't think he loved said person. Liked? Perhaps. Most likely. He did. But love? Love was a whole other thing.

It was more his desire to be loved, cared and desired for, accepted, supported that was being crushed. His need to be loved. Not his actual love towards someone.

He could completely detach himself from the person. He felt nothing towards Hattori - for all he wanted he could do whatever to whomever, but what hurt was what said that he wasn't worthy of love. That he'll never find it and no one will ever have any feelings toward him. Perhaps that described his feelings best, because of wasn't love. Not really. He didn't even know the guy long enough to form something more than just likeness or a crush.

But damn. Life was stupid.