Spectrum Of A Rainbow ✔

Chapter Five

Over the next couple of weeks Felicitas spent most of her time working and partying with Alejandro. It didn't take them long to fall back into their old rhythm, the only thing they had in common was their love for a good party and horror movies, and then there was the sex part of course. She wasn't sure how he afforded all the partying, he never said he had to work to her and her only two guesses were that his parents were loaded or that he did something illegal. She decided long ago to believe in the first option. She still talked to Felix and Omid on a daily basis, though she avoided Rachel as much as possible, other than those three there weren't anyone she talked to daily. Her parents called every once in a while and she tried to call them too. Her life had turned into her old life, the life she'd when she first move out of her parents house. A life she'd eventually gotten sick of so she knew it wouldn't be fun for that long. The last time she stopped with the excessive partying was also the time when she and Alejandro lost touch. After like three to four weeks of this behaviour she woke up to find a text from Omid. He had tried to call when she was asleep and when she didn't answer he'd written that he was worried about her and that he'd like to meet up today. She looked to her side where Alejandro laid snoring and sighed. She told Omid to meet her in about an hour at a nearby coffee shop and started to wake up Alejandro who wasn't happy about it.

"You're just waking me up and kicking me out?" He protested and he spoke in a loud voice.

"If that how you want to put it, then yes." She said, getting out of bed. "Go up, get ready, or you'll leave here naked." She said, throwing his pants in his face. She wasn't in the mood for his whining. He was always like this when sober, which is why she never hung out with him outside of parties. It took her some time to get him out of the apartment so she was a little late. Omid greeted her with a hug and they didn't say much as they got inside and placed an order. Felicitas felt like shit, she'd been sleep very little the last weeks and was hungover. When they sat down and Omid was about to start talking her phone rang, she looked down and saw that it was Rachel, her plan was to ignore it but Omid insisted that she'd take it so she did.

"Hi." She answered her phone, taking a sip from her coffee.

"Hiii. I've got the perfect guy for a new blind date!" Rachel squealed and she had to move her phone away from her ear to not go deaf.

"Oh.. I'm having coffee with Omid right now so I'll have to call you back. Bye." Felicitas excused herself quickly and hung up before Rachel had the time to answer. When she looked up Omid looked back at her with one eyebrow raised. "I am not in love with her." She sighed.

"Sure." Omid answered, shaking his head.

"I've starting seeing an old friend and we're intimate and it's amazing." Felicitas said confidently with a big smile on her face.

"So?" Omid asks, neutral face, fingers tapping his cup.

"So it's a GUY meaning I'm not gay. So I'm not in love with Rachel." Felicitas continued, still with confidence and a smile.

"You are aware that there's something called bisexual? Which means you can be in love with Rachel and still be attracted to men." When Omid points this out her face fell all of her resent confidence washed away. She was so sure that she'd figured this out, that since she was still attracted to Alejandro she couldn't be in love with Rachel.

"Yeah, but when I was twelve maybe thirteen and heard about it on the internet, people always said that it was just straight people experimenting or wanting to be cool, that it's not a real thing. So the thought has never crossed my mind no." She looked down in her cup, her hands wrapped around it and sighed.

"Well, whoever said that is an idiot." Omid said, his voice stern but he looked at her with a soft face, signaling that he wasn't angry with her. "I'm bisexual." He admitted and Felicitas was surprised. For a second or two they sat in silence, she needed to process a little and Omid let her.

"But.." She said as she looked up, her eye had been fixed on the table in between them. "How did you know?"

"It was really confusing, my first relationship was with a girl, we got together at 16 and then separated a week or two into collage. We thought, like all the couples, that we would be the ones who made it, that we would be together forever, but that didn't happen. So I spent my first year crushing on my roomate, though I didn't really admit it to myself until afterwards. Anyway, I spent that year focusing on my studies and going on a date or two with different girls. Then came year two, I met a guy and my first thought was that he was absolutely beautiful and this freaked me out a little. I got even more confused when it turned out that he was gay and started flirting with me. I of course declined, thanking but saying that I'm straight. Though since I said 'you're like super hot and all' to him, he didn't believe me and continued lowkey flirting. One night, like two months after I rejected him, we were at the same party and I had a little too much to drink. So when I bumped into him in an empty hallway, I just said 'you're so fucking hot' and then I kissed him. Even though it was a little messy since I was so drunk, it was the best kiss I'd ever had. Something that I told him the day after, so that he would know that I didn't do it only because I was drunk. We started dating but kept a low profile, mainly since I was scared to tell my parents. Most of my friends knew, but my parents are a little conservative so I was scared that they'd hate me. At this point in my life I identified as gay, I wasn't aware that there were another alternative than straight or gay. After I'd dated this guy for a couple of months, I was going home to visit my parents and I decided to tell them. I thought they deserved to know and I'm horrible at keeping secrets so it was better for them to find out in a good way. I was so certain that they would disown me, throw me out, that I'd booked a ticket back to campus and looked up scholarships. However, they didn't, my mother just wanted to know what his name was and what is favorite food was. My dad insisted that I'd bring him for dinner soon. They couldn't care less and I was relieved though surprised. Eventually we broke up, he cheated and broke my heart." Omid paused, taking a sip from his mug.

"Again I started my random dating, mainly to hook up with guys, I barely looked at girls since I was so sure that I was gay. During this period, I started using a social network called Tumblr, I was very into games and there were a lot of other fans there. It was on that website that I first heard about bisexuality, it caught my attention and I started to read more about it. Pretty soon after that I realized that I wasn't only attracted to men or women, I was attracted to both. I had truly been in love with my girlfriend from high school just as much as I had been in love with my boyfriend. I started talking to people identifying as bisexual and they were amazing support. So it took a couple of weeks, like a month and a half maybe, for me to feel absolutely sure about this, I told my friends and started dating girls again and of course continued to date men. The next time I got home I told my parents, again they didn't really react, they were just curious about what it meant and we talked a lot about it that weekend. So it took me time, but once I realized this, everything felt a lot better, it was like when I thought I was straight or gay, something was missing, something didn't feel quite right. I was repressing a side of me, but when I found out about bisexuality I didn't have to repress anything, I realized that I didn't have to choose a gender." Omid finishes his story and Felicitas is speechless. She doesn't know what to say, but obviously the people on the internet had been wrong, bisexuality was a real thing. Omid had gone through a lot to figure it out and he was real, his feelings were real.

"Wow." Is all she manages to get out. "I really don't know what to say."

"It's okay." Omid smiled "it's a lot to take in, I know. But those people on the internet you talked to were wrong. I'm valid and I know what I'm attracted to." He puts his hand over hers. "Just think about it, take your time, there's no rush." She nodded in response, smiling back at him.

"Thank you for sharing your story and telling me about this." She says when he tells her that he needs to go, that he had a client to meet up with.

"No problem. Just call me if you ever need to talk, about this or anything else really." Omid says and hugs her goodbye.

On her way back home her head is spinning with thoughts, she doesn't know where to start with all of this. She knows that she's supposed to call Rachel back but she just can't, not now when it felt like her head would explode. So instead she does what she always do when she needs to relax or sort her thoughts, she takes a trip to the gym. With her thoughts a little less messy, she calls Felix on her way back from the gym to ask if he could come over before she needs to work. He agrees to meet her at her apartment in 30 minutes. She needs to talk to someone who knows her and sometimes it feels like Felix knows her better than she does. Maybe he can figure this mess out because she sure as hell can't. 

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