Spectrum Of A Rainbow ✔

Chapter Eight

Felicitas struggled with getting her words out and they sat at the table in silence for a while. She didn't know where to start, like she couldn't just throw it out there, right?

"What is it you need to talk about?" Rachel asked, breaking the silence. She looked at her with worried eyes and her hand was laying at the table, signaling that she was there if she needed comfort. But Felicitas decided to keep her hands in her lap.

"I.. I've been very distant lately, avoiding your calls and stuff." Felicitas swallowed hard, it felt like she was going to throw up, but she had to pull through, there was no turning back now. "I, I just, I need to explain why."

"You've been busy, it's not a big deal." Rachel said, leaning back against the chair, still with her hands on the table.

"No, it's, um, it's not that." She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. "I've been talking a lot to Omid and he, he's helped me realize that, I, I'm bisexual. And that .. I .. eh .. I .." She cleared her throat. "I have a crush on .. you."

"Oh." Rachel said quietly and they sat in silence for a little while though it felt like a million years to Felicitas as she waited for a bigger reaction from Rachel. "You know that I'm in love with Josef, right?" Her voice was calm but Felicitas knew her well enough to hear that she was unsure, her voice cracking just a little.

"Yes, I know, I'm not telling you this because I expect us to become something more than friends." Felicitas spoke fast, wanting to explain herself. "I don't want to get in the way of your relationship. Not one bit." She finished, letting out her breath.

"Then why did you tell me?" Rachel asked, looking puzzled. However she kept her hands on the table which Felicitas took as a good sign. At least she wasn't repulsed by Felicitas confession.

"Because I can't lie to you, I don't want to lie to you. You deserve to know the truth and not get some half-ass excuse to why I don't want to go on double dates." She licked her lips and taking a deep breath, she was still speaking rapidly.

"Oh, I see." Rachel said but she was furrowing her eyebrows as she looked up at Felicitas again. "How does Omid fit into all of this?"

Felicitas told Rachel the entire story, everything from their first walk together to their conversations and everything they'd done since the night of the date. How he'd told her his story, that she'd talked to people on Tumblr and slowly came to accept her feelings and sexuality. Rachel listened in silence, giving the occasional nod.

"Well, I'm glad that something good came out of that double date." Rachel smiled softly. "And I really appreciate that you're being so honest with me. I know it's not easy." It was a huge relief that she took it so well, that she was so calm and understanding.

"I just, I can't lie to you about this. I'd still love to have you as a friend and if I lied and gave you a bunch of bad excuses on why I wanted space, I feel like it would affect our friendship more than if I'm just being honest." Rachel nodded in agreement and Felicitas heartbeat slowed down to normal. "I just need some space first."

"Of course, I'll give you space, but just know that you can call me anytime, as a friend. And I'm happy that you've gotten help from Omid and that I'm super proud of you for admitting this, being true not only to me but to yourself. I just know that you'll find someone who'll love you back, regardless of gender." Rachel said, squeezing her arm. "Take care of yourself, okay?" Felicitas nodded.

"Yeah, you too." She answered, trying to smile but she suspected that Rachel saw through it and saw the sadness behind it, even if she didn't say anything, she just nodded and they walked to the hallway. They said their goodbyes, promising to keep in touch and all of those things that they both knew were unlikely to happen within the near future. Felicitas didn't know how much space she'd need and she wasn't so sure that they would be able to just go back to normal after this. But it didn't matter right now, her chest felt so much lighter now that she'd told Rachel, now that she'd accepted herself for who she was, who she's always been. When Rachel closed the door behind her, Felicitas sent a text to Omid. telling him that he could come back. In a matter of minutes he knocked on the door, asking how it went, his eyes filled with worry. Felicitas filled him in, telling him about what they'd said and how Rachel reacted. At the end he hugged her, telling her that he was proud over her. They decided that they should order some pizza and sat down on the couch, waiting for their delivery. It didn't take long for it to arrive, about 20 minutes if not less and they were surprised when the doorbell rang. They'd almost fallen asleep on the couch, not expecting the food to arrive for another 20 minutes or more. When Felicitas got back in the living room with the pizza, Omid looked at her with a mischievous smile.

"What?" She said, narrowing her eyes.

"Are you working tonight?" He asked, still with the smile on his face.

"No?" She said as she put the pizza on the table.

"Well, there's this party tonight and, my crush Will, he's going to be there. Want to come with me as moral support?" Still smiling as he added some puppy eyes.

"Sure, why not." Felicitas said, shaking her head. She needed to go out and have some fun, it wouldn't help sitting at home and do nothing. So after they'd eaten their pizza Omid leaved to go home and get ready, promising to be back to take her to the party since it was a private one. As soon as he'd left Felicitas put on her favorite band, Iron Maiden and started searching her wardrobe. She needed the perfect outfit tonight she thought as she danced and sang along to the music. When Omid got back, she wasn't ready so went to sit on the couch while she curled her hair. But it was worth making him wait, because her winged eyeliner was perfect and her new flannel shirt fit perfectly, combined with deep red silk leggings and a black top showing off her belly, she felt amazing. For the first time in months she'd actually put down some work into her looks before going out and she really enjoyed it. It was nice feeling like herself again, after these rough and confusing couple of months it was nice to feel confident again.

"I'm ready!" She shouted as she left her bathroom about 30 minutes after Omid had arrived at her front door.

"Finally." Omid sighed dramatically and Felicitas rolled her eyes as she entered the living room. "You do look great though, I'll give you that."

"Thank you, I'd say the same but you know." She said, grimacing. Within seconds they were both laughing.

"Thanks for the encouragement when I'm supposed to go get my crush." He fake pouted as he got up from the couch.

"Well, nobody likes a cocky guy so I'm doing you a favour." Felicitas said, shrugging, causing Omid to laugh as he agreed that indeed, nobody liked a cocky guy.

"Should we go before you get cocky again?" Felicitas asked, ready to go to the party and have fun.

"Yeah, look what I brought!" He shouted as he pulled out a vodka bottle from behind him, wearing a huge smile.

"Perfect." Felicitas whispered with a huge smile on her face. "Finally you've made a good decision."

They continued the banter as they walked toward the party, sharing the bottle of vodka, being as sneaky as they could with it. 

AN: Last chapter tomorrow! Share, comment, vote <3 See you tomorrow!