I think my husband lost his job because he's been staying home a lot more lately. Also, he's always on the sofa, I'm starting to think he sleeps on it too. His distance from me is driving me crazy and I can't bring myself to talk about it with him. I keep thinking that if he wanted he would talk to me. I thought that was the perfect way to deal with this situation. I'm not delusional though, I know that's not a smart approach to solving things that are bothering me. But, i can't change myself, it's impossible to change who you are. Only idiots think they can change someone or change themselves to be better. Even if a person is forced to change due to visiting a therapist or whatever, it's only temporary change. A change that dissappears the moment shit gets rough, the moment they realize that they are just putting up an act, not really showing what's really going on inside. Nobody ever really changes who they really are, or how they fell of the tree, far or close.. it's just fate. You see... billions of events and memories shape the person I am today... a person who is addicted to vicodin and has hallucinations of her dead husband.
"People never change, they just become more of who they really are" - Gregory House.
